Pants jokes

• Pronunciation was never really one of my string pants.
• I went to a fancy dress party the other week, wearing only a pair of Y-fronts.A woman at the party said to me, "this is a fancy dress party, what are you supposed to be?""A premature ejaculation," I said."What do you mean?" replied the woman."I"ve come in my pants," I said.
• During one of the many skirmishes between France and England the French captured one of England"s greatest generals, Gen. Joseph Stockton. While Stockton was being held prisoner, a French Officer asked him why the English wore such bright red coats into battle as it makes them much easier targets. Stockton replied that the reason the wear the coats of red was so if they were injured their men would not be able to see the general"s blood and get disheartened that their leader had been gravely wounded. The French officer took this into consideration and believed it was a good idea. Ever since then, the French armed forces have worn dark brown pants.
• This bloke goes to see his doctor and says, "every time I fart, it sounds like a Honda motorbike."So the doc asks the chap to pull his pants down and bend over. Sure enough, the man farts loudly and its sounds like a Honda motorbike.The doc says, "you"ve got an abscess up your arse."The bloke says, "surely it can"t make my arse make noises like that."The old doctor says, with a cheeky smile, "abscess makes the fart go Honda!"
• What does a big sale in the children"s department and Michael Jackson have in common?Little boys" pants - half off!
• Food has supplanted sex as the main driving force in my life - now I can"t even get into my own pants.
• These fucking pants!For fucks sake these cunting socks!Agh! sodding, shitting trousers!Oh this bloody slag of a fucking shirt!I"ve always been a cross dresser.
• A man goes to the doctor"s for a cock extension. The doctor suggests a baby elephant"s trunk stitched on, at a cost of £5,000. The man agrees.Six weeks later, whilst having dinner with a new woman, he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks, "this is the night".Whilst chatting over dinner, his cock flies out and steals an apple off the table and then goes back."Wow!" she says. "Can you do that again?"He says, "my cock can, but I don"t think my arse can take another apple."
• Why was the washing machine at the old folks" home laughing?"Coz it was taking the piss out of the underwear.
• Man: "I"d really like to get into your pants."Woman: "No thanks. There"s already one arsehole in there."