Pakistani jokes

• An insect falls into a mug of beerEnglishman: Throws his mug away and walks outAmerican : Takes the insect out and drinks the beerChinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer awayIndian : Sells the beer to the American, the insect to the Chinese and gets a fresh beer for himselfPakistani : Accuses the Indian of putting the insect in his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and gets a loan from the American to buy another beer. The Paki then moves to England and claims benefits.
• What is the difference between a 69 and a Paki wedding?With a 69 you only have to kiss one smelly cunt.
• Scottish Police today said a third Pakistani was seen going out at the rear of the terminal. Police are pleased to report they got the cunt going again with some petrol and wood!
• What do you say to a Pakistani on Christmas day ? A pint of milk and a loaf please!!
• NEWSFLASH!Emergency services have removed 32 dead Pakistanis from a house in Bradford.It is not believed that there are any links to terrorist groups.Early indications are that a bunk bed collapsed.
• Did you hear about the Pakistani who bought an odour-eater?It ate him.
• This morning a suspected Pakistani bomber was shot 68 times in a raid on his Bradford home. When interviewed, Detective Chief Inspector Thomas, who led the investigation was asked "Why 68 bullets on 1 man?" He replied "Yes sorry about that, we ran out of ammo".
• A Paki went into a bar and asked, "could you recommend your finest port?""Yes," said the barman. "Dover, now fuck off."
• 15 blokes chased a paki through McDonalds. When they caught him, they beat him to death.After the police arrived at the scene, they questioned a witness about why he didn"t helpHe simply responded "i thought 15 was enough"
• An Indian man on his death bed."Sanjita,my wife, are you here?""Yes, my husband""My son and daughter, are you here?""Yes, Papa.""Then who"s in the fucking shop?"
• 6.00: G-Had TV. Morning prayers. 8.30: Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Eh-oh". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a Stinger missile launcher. 9.00: Shouts of Praise.More prayers. 10.00: The Apprentice.Ten young Muslims complete a variety of tasks each week - one of them will be recruited by prominent Islamist leader Muqtada al-Sadr into a top position in the Mahdi Army.11.00: Jihad"s Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels. 12.00: Ready, Steady, Jihad! Celebrities make lethal devices out of everyday objects. 12.30: Panoramadan. The programme reports on America"s attempts to take over the world. 13.30: Xena. Modestly dressed housewife Xena stays at home and does some cooking. 14.00: Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket launchers to Hamas. 14.30: Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top appeal is revealed. 15.00: Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain asks the questions. "Starter for ten, no praying." 15.30: I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including the Prophet"s entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols. 16.00: Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political and religious leaders. 16.30: Countdown.Can the American prisoners defuse the bomb in their cell before the timer runs down?17.00: Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery. 17.30: Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic behaviour. 18.00: Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again. 18.30: Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week running? 19.00: Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will contestants phone a mullah, go "inshallah", or ask the Islamic council? 20.00: FILM: Shariah"s Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover to expose an evil scheme to educate women. 21.30: Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this week? 22.00: Imam Ted.Sitcom about three imams who live on a tiny island in the Persian Gulf. This week, Imam Dhuga"il accidently burns down the mosque, while Imam Jakh is stoned to death for drinking alcohol. 22.30: Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the infidel. 23.30: They think it"s Allah over. Quiz culminating in the "Don"t feel the Mullah" round. Midnight: When Imams Attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The filmers were also secretly shot. 00:.30: The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel graffiti art in the occupied territories. 01.30: Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer. 02.00: A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again.
• There is hell to pay in Bradford tonight.Petrol had gone up by another 5 rupee"s
• Still hopeful of winning gold, the Pakistani men"s hockey team have been described as "rank outsiders".Too fucking right they are!
• Theres a Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani on a train. The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says "theres plenty more of that where I come from".The others are impressed so the Cuban takes out one of the finest havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says "theres plenty more of those where I come from".Again everyone is rather impressed so the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.....
• what do you call a paki: shit with clothes on