Paint jokes

• How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?It depends how hard you throw them.
• Got some spastic decorators in the other day.Well, the walls needed a lick of paint.
• Was shagging the wife last night and i asked her to moan a bit to get me excited.So she said the ceiling needs painting.
• My uncle died the other day - he drank a bottle of varnish.The doctor said he had a terrible end, but a lovely finish.
• I was sat in my front lounge last night when my ex drove past and threw a can of paint through my window.I hate it when women get emulsional.
• What"s green and smells like yellow paint?Green Paint.
• A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, "This is your lucky night. I"ve got a special game for you. I"ll do absolutely anything you want for £300, as long as you can say it in three words." The guy replies, "Hey, why not?". He pulls his wallet out of his pocket, and one at a time lays six fifty pound notes on the bar and says slowly: "Paint... My... House."
• What"s yellow and does the dishes?He"s my nigger and I"ll paint him whatever colour I like.If you get told this then reply with...What"s red and hangs off the tree in my garden?Your not the only one who can use a can of spray paint.
• A Glaswegian staggers home from the pub pissed one night, with three cans of paint. He immediately sets about painting the living-room red, blue and white.His wife eventually comes downstairs and says, "For fuck"s sake, you think more of Rangers than you think of me!"He says, "Honey, I think more of fucking Celtic than I do of you!"
• Did you hear about the new paint, called Blonde paint?It"s not very bright, but it spreads easy.
• What's blue and smells like red paint blue paint