Paedophilia jokes

• What have paedophilia and race crime got in common?Me.
• What do Gary Glitter and a Kodak film have in common?They both come in a small yellow box.
• Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old?Because he was a paedophile.
• Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.
• A few years ago now, I got kicked out of primary school. The headmaster caught me behind the bike shed, fingering one of the girls from my class.When I was leaving, he said it was a pity, because he reckoned I was the best Maths teacher the school had ever seen.
• Times really do change, when I was at school I always used to dream of fucking a teacher.Now I am a teacher all I seem to do is dream of fucking a pupil.
• What is it about beards and glasses that children find so sexy?
• What do you call a 6-year-old with her legs open?A gymnast, you sick fuck!
• The swimming pool: where erectile dysfunction really pays for itself.
• A girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Daddy, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for work!"
• A little boy goes to see the doctor with a problem. He said to the doctor, "Doctor, I was in the showers with all the other boys, and my penis looked different to all of theirs, why is that?"The doctor replies, "I don"t know, I"m going to have to have a look, now you can go behind that curtain to get undressed."The little boy comes out and says, "Where shall I put my clothes?"The doctor replies, "just over there, next to mine."
• My girlfriend isn"t allowed to give me blow jobs - apparently, children under 3 years can choke on small parts.
• I feel sorry for Stevie Wonder. He might not have any idea how great his daughter"s tits are. But if he does, fair play to the man.
• A little boy is walking down the street after school when a car pulls up. The window goes down and a man from inside says ""Do you want to get in the car with me?"" The little boy looks at him in a confused manner, and then proceeds to walk on. Three minutes later, further down the road, the car pulls up again. The window goes down and the man speaks ""Ok then, I"ll give you a packet of sweets if you get in the car with me"". The little boy looks at him, this time rather agitated, but continues to walk on.Again, three minutes later, the car pulls up. The window goes down and the man says ""Look! I"ll give you £10 and two packets of sweets if you get in the car with me." The little boy stops. He looks at the man and says ""Look dad, your the one who bought the fucking skoda so live with it!".
• All girls like clothes but I"m having to dig deep when I treat my girlfriend to a new top or pair of shoes.I can"t imagine what it"s like for those of you with girlfriends in adult sizes.
• What"s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Freddie Mercury?Freddie actually wanted it in the arse.
• What"s the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?Sexy kids.
• "I"m a 14-year-old girl looking for a 45-55 year old man for online webcam fun. Email me: operationlolita@metpolice.uk"
• I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy, all alone and he was crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all alone?" He replied, with tears in his eyes, "My mum"s down there at the bottom. She fell!""That"s terrible!" I said. "And your dad?""He"s down there right next to her. He tried to save her and he fell too!""That"s awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff. And then, when he asked me why I was unbuckling my belt, I told him, "Son, today just isn"t your day."
• What"s the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
• A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he"s got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied. The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!" The dad comes home and hears the news; he"s as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher.""That"s right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let"s get fish and chips, then I"ll buy you that bike you"ve been asking for.""Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."
• A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor. After several hours in the waiting room, (NHS...) they"re called in."Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"The man nods, "It"s my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control.""Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She"s too young to be sexually active!""Sexually active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"
• What"s the worst thing about being a paedophile?You just don"t fit in.