Paedophile jokes

• Victoria Beckham has announced she had an affair with Michael Jackson.Jacko has denied the allegations as he claims he was in Brooklyn at the time.
• Muslim extremists commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins.I just go down the local primary school.
• When I was a kid I was very ill in hospital and Gary Glitter came to visit me.I was touched.
• What do Harold Shipman and Gary Glitter have in common?They both enjoyed euthanasia.
• Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old?Because he was a paedophile.
• What do you give a paedophile who has everything? A bigger parish!
• I see they have just launched a new porno-mag for hardcore paedophiles. Its called....Barely Foetal
• Two paedophiles are sat on a park bench when a 15 year old girl walks by.The first paedo turns to the other and says, "Hey, I bet she was a goer in her time."
• What"s the biggest cause of paedophilia in this country?Sexy kids.
• "I"m a 14-year-old girl looking for a 45-55 year old man for online webcam fun. Email me: operationlolita@metpolice.uk"
• Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you are a paedophile, but you just haven"t met the right child yet?
• My girlfriend said I"ve got the biggest cock she"d ever seen,That"s one of the benefits of going out with a 10 year old.
• I was walking along a high cliff one day and saw a little boy, all alone and he was crying. I asked him, "Son, what are you doing up here all alone?" He replied, with tears in his eyes, "My mum"s down there at the bottom. She fell!""That"s terrible!" I said. "And your dad?""He"s down there right next to her. He tried to save her and he fell too!""That"s awful!" I said. We shared a quiet moment there, together, looking out at the sky over that grand cliff. And then, when he asked me why I was unbuckling my belt, I told him, "Son, today just isn"t your day."
• A boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he"s got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied. The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!" The dad comes home and hears the news; he"s as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher.""That"s right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let"s get fish and chips, then I"ll buy you that bike you"ve been asking for.""Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."
• Me and the wife were trying roleplay in the bedroom last night.She walked out in a huff after 30 seconds. Apparently, asking your wife to pretend to be your daughter isn"t very sexy.
• A local paedophile ring has made the unprecedented step of issuing a statement after being accused of hiding Shannon Matthews for two weeks.They said "Fuck off - we do have some standards you know"
• A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor. After several hours in the waiting room, (NHS...) they"re called in."Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"The man nods, "It"s my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control.""Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She"s too young to be sexually active!""Sexually active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"
• You can say what you like about paedophiles, but they"re generous with their sweets.
• Captain Birdseye had the right idea: get a massive ship, fill it with kids and sail out to international waters where there"s no age of consent.
• I tried to enrol my son at a Catholic school for next term. The headmaster told me I could do so only on the condition I take my son to church every week.I told him, "No way, I may as well take him to Michael Jackson"s house, at least he"s got a rollercoaster."
• Saying that all Pakis smell is like saying that all blacks are criminals.It"s also like saying that all priests are paedophiles.It"s simply true.
• What"s small and confuses paedophiles?Midgets.
• I can"t believe the number of paedophiles we get hanging round our local playgrounds trying to pick up little kids. I wish they"d get on with it so I can do my necrophilia.
• There once was a girl called MaddyWho got raped by a Portugese baddyShe"ll never get found Now that she"s under ground And that"s thanks to her mummy and daddy
• A man goes to the Optician complaining of blurred vision. Looking into his eyes with a scope, the optician began to tut-tut and groan. What is it asked the patient? Oh, the worst case I have ever seen. But whats wrong with my eyes doctor? Well if you must know, you have Christian Brothers Syndrome. Christian Brothers Syndrome, asked the patient...What's that? Well, said the Optician, Your Pupils are Fucked!