Osama jokes

• This war in Iraq certainly does throw up a lot of ethical questions.With Americans on one side and Muslims on the other... who do you support?
• It takes two men ten minutes to check in for their flight.How long will it take Ahmed and Imran?
• What did Osama Bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?Big Apple Crumble.
• Osama bin laden has appeared on tv this morning to quell rumour of his death. to prove that the appearence was not pre recorded bin laden stated that he had "watched the football on saturday and Newcastle were crap!"The US and UK government officals have dismissed the tape saying the recording could have been made any time over the past 10 years
• Osama Bin Laden is fed up with hiding in caves. He"s contacted a public relations agency who promised him that, in return for spending a few years in jail, all his fucked-up terrorism will be forgiven, he"ll be made a world hero, given his own country to rule, which will be populated by the people he once killed, and he can steal all of their hard-earned possessions.Well, it worked for Nelson Mandela.
• Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine"s Day. "Since Valentine"s Day is for a Christian saint and we"re Jewish," she asks, "will God get mad at me for giving someone a Valentine?"Melissa"s father thinks a bit, then says, "No, I don"t think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?""Osama Bin Laden," she says."Why Osama Bin Laden?" her father asks in shock."Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we"re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he"d love everyone a lot. And then he"d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn"t hate anyone anymore."Her father"s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride. "Melissa, that"s the most wonderful thing I"ve ever heard.""I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the army could blow the hell out of him."
• Great news that the teacher at the centre of the teddy bear row in Sudan, Gillian Gibbons, has been pardoned and freed.She can"t wait to get home to her pet dog, Saddam, and her cat, Osama.
• A survey was taken in America.Apparantly Osama Bin Laden is more famous than Michael Jackson.Yeah, I suppose, but he puts a lot less effort into his videos doesn"t he?Although it"d really freak the Americans out if he just threw in a moonwalk now and again.Who would you want looking after your kids?
• Have you ever wondered what happens when a foreigner is caught by a speed camera? Where do they send the fine too? The address where his licence is issued- in Poland, Pakistan or South Africa? Fuck that bollocks. So next time I"m caught speeding, I"m going to send the form back saying it was actually Osama Bin Laden who was driving- let them track that fucker down with a 40 quid fine and three points.