Orgasm jokes

• What is the biggest problem for an atheist ?No one to talk to during orgasm.
• My step-daughter always liked happy endings.So when I came I always made sure I laughed.
• Top Tip!!Record the sound of your wife having an orgasm, then listen to it through headphones the next time you make love.That way you can have sex without waking her up.
• I got a sweater for Christmas.I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner.
• Me and my wife achieved simultaneous orgasms last night.Unfortunately she was in bed with her lover and I was hiding in the wardrobe.
• Two old women are sitting in a cafe. Margaret says to Ethel, "Did you come on the bus?"Ethel replies, "Yeah, but I made it look like an asthma attack."
• I shagged the Queen once.She"s so posh. She didn"t come - she arrived.
• So, Sting can delay his climax for seven hours. Big deal. I"ve been banging my missus for forty years and she"s not had an orgasm yet.
• If women are so good at multi-tasking, how come my wife can never have an orgasm at the same time as we"re having sex?
• A man says to his wife, "you should tell me when you orgasm."The wife replies, "but I don"t like to disturb you when you"re at work."
• I want to live my next life backwards :You start out dead and get that out of the way.Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.You work 40 years until you"re too young to work.You get ready for High School : drink alcohol, party, and you"re generally promiscuous.Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you have no responsibilities.Then you become a baby, and then...You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in Spa-like conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...You finish off as an orgasm.I rest my case.
• A young lady was sat on an airplane when she suddenly sneezed, "Aaaaatchooooooooo! Ooooooh oh yeah."The man sat next to her asked if she was okay. She replied, "I"m wonderful, never felt better."A short while later she sneezed again, "Aaaaatchoooo! Oh my god! oh yeah!"Again the man enquired if she was okay. She replied, "Ooooh wonderful, never felt better."A few minutes later she does it again, "Aaaatchooooooooooo! Oh uh uh oh yeah oh god yeah!"The man by this time was a bit concerned, he enquired again, "are you okay? What"s with all the moaning?"She replied, "I have a medical condition, every time I sneeze, I orgasm.""Wow!", replied the man, "Are you taking anything for it?""Yes", she answered, "Pepper."