Oral jokes

• I once took a music exam at a Catholic school.The practical and listening part of the exam was fine but the Oral came as a bit of a shock!
• How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth.
• All in all, 99000 people are making love right now, 22000 are kissing, 11000 are getting oral and one sad wanker is reading this.....You hang in there, friend!
• Before I lick my girlfriend out, I kick her in the cunt a few times.I only like my fish battered, you see.
• A woman has been in a coma for 3 months, showing no signs of recovery. One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her cunt. The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments. After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead. "What happened?" demands a doctor... "Dunno, reckon she mighta choked," comes the reply.
• Shhhhhh!!.......Don"t tell anyone...... I"m gonna go down on you.......And you"re gonna love it...................But it"s only going to be long enough to let you start enjoying it............Then I"m gonna come back up again and fuck you big time.....Lots of love,Petrol prices xx
• A small boy goes into the kitchen one day and run up to his mum. "Mummy, mummy, Grandma"s got a prawn between her legs!""Pardon, darling?""Grandma"s got a prawn between her legs!""Okay, show me"They both walk into the living room, where they find Grandma fast asleep and looking very pleased. Her knickers are missing and her skirt has ridden up so that nothing is left to the imagination."See Mummy? A prawn," says the little boy, pointing between his gran"s splayed legs."No, darling that"s something special women have.""But Mummy," says the little boy, looking confused. "It tasted like a prawn."
• Doc: "Mrs Jones, the results of your tests are back, I"m afraid you have Gonorrhea."Mrs Jones (very embarrassed): "Er, I think I caught it from a toilet seat"Doc: "Well you must have been chewing it then, it"s in your gums"
• George looked over the backyard fence and admired Fred"s wife while she sunbathed topless. The next day, George corners his neighbour on the driveway saying, "I saw your wife sunbathing in the backyard without her top on yesterday." Fred was quite put out over the peeping incident and told George he planned revenge. That very evening, Fred noticed that George"s bedroom shades were up. Upon closer inspection, he notices George"s wife in the act of performing oral sex. The very next day Fred calls out to George, "Hey, George, I saw your wife giving you a blow-job last night." George replies, "Ha Ha Ha, Liar! I wasn"t home last night..."
• A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you - I"m gay."His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she"d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You"re gay? Doesn"t that mean you have oral sex with other men?"The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mum, that"s right."His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around and smacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don"t you EVER complain about the taste of my cooking again!"
• Man"s going down on his wife, and says "My god, you"ve got a big vagina. My god, you"ve got a big vagina."Wife says "Alright, I get the message, no need to say it twice!"Husband replies "I didn"t..."