Oral sex jokes

• Life is like oral sex, one slip of the tongue and your in the shit.
• If a stork brings white babies and a crow brings black babies, what brings no babies?A swallow.
• My wife can drink any man under the table.Provided they wash their cocks first.
• Sure Jesus loves you, but does he swallow?
• One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, "I"m sorry, honey, I"ve got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
• What"s the difference between ginger pussy and a bowling ball?You could eat a bowling ball if you had to.
• Two old age pensioners are having a 69. After 5 minutes he says, "Sorry luv the smell"s too bad down there - I can"t carry on." "That"ll be my arthritis," she says. "What? I never heard of anyone having arthritis in their fanny before." "No," she says, "It"s in my arms and hands... I can"t wipe me arse."
• I can only assume, for his sake, that whoever coined the phrase "it"s better to give than to receive" wasn"t talking about blow jobs.
• I asked my barber the best thing for baldness."Fanny juice!" he said."Bollocks" I replied, "You"re balder than me!","Yes, but what a magnificent moustache!" he quipped.
• When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Jones".Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Jones in either the Russian or American space programs.Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Jones statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Jones had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors" bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Jones. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Jones shouting at Mr. Jones."Oral sex? You want oral sex? You"ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
• What"s the difference between a policeman with a speed gun and going down on a woman? When you go down on a woman you can see the cunt behind the bush.
• What"s green and melts in your mouth?A leper"s cock!