One jokes

• Why do men prefer women with big tits and tight pussies?Because most men have big mouths and small dicks.
• Did you know that every two in one people are schizophrenic?
• Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.Do not walk beside me,eitherJust fuck off and leave me alone
• An English cat called "One two three" and a French cat called "Un deux trois" are arguing over which cat is the best swimmer, so they decide to have a race over the English channel and, of course, the English cat won, because the Un deux trois cat sank!
• A rich young man was involved in a very bad car crash, and his Porsche was a write off. As he lay stunned at the side of the road, he moaned quietly to himself, "Oh, my car,my poor car".A paramedic overhead his words and knelt down beside him. "Excuse me, sir," he said gently, "I think you should be more concerned about your arm."The young man looked down to where his arm should have been and started to cry in anguish, "Oh my Rolex, my poor Rolex!"
• How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don"t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn"t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they"ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS.But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID FUCKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!IT"S A WONDER WE HAVE"NT ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS........... I"m sorry... what did you ask me?
• Saw my mate Jim yesterday, he"s only got one arm."Where you off then, Jim?" I shouted"I"m going to change a light bulb," he said."That"s going to be awkward, isn"t it?" I asked."No.....I"ve still got the receipt."
• One armed butlers.They can take it, but they can"t dish it out.
• A little boy is walking down the street after school when a car pulls up. The window goes down and a man from inside says ""Do you want to get in the car with me?"" The little boy looks at him in a confused manner, and then proceeds to walk on. Three minutes later, further down the road, the car pulls up again. The window goes down and the man speaks ""Ok then, I"ll give you a packet of sweets if you get in the car with me"". The little boy looks at him, this time rather agitated, but continues to walk on.Again, three minutes later, the car pulls up. The window goes down and the man says ""Look! I"ll give you £10 and two packets of sweets if you get in the car with me." The little boy stops. He looks at the man and says ""Look dad, your the one who bought the fucking skoda so live with it!".
• NEWSFLASHWest Midlands Police are looking for a 6"6", black, serial rapist, with one eyeIf they don"t catch him they are thinking about opening both of them....