Office jokes

• I got a job at a paperless office. Everything was great until I needed a shit.
• What do you call a black man with an office job?..a cleaner
• I went to anger management yesterday.Pissing on the boardroom table usually does the job.
• I work in a great office. As far as me and the lads are concerned, "harass" is still two words...
• The boss of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. Just recently the company has been doing badly so the boss decides one of them must go. Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma."Look Jill, I"m afraid I"m going to have to lay you or Jack off."Jill replies, "You"ll have to jack off then, "cause I"ve got a headache."
• We"ve got a stunning blonde started at our office and I heard rumours she wanted to give me one.Unfortunately, it was out of ten.
• Friday is Jeans for Genes day when all office staff can all go to work wearing casual clothes and donate money to help people with Genetic disorders.I have a better idea, it"s called Thongs for Mongs.
• Statistics show that 1 in a 100 men can suck their own penis.This explains why there"s always one irritating, smug bastard in every office.
• A man was having an affair with another woman and his wife found out about it, so she told him, "if you don"t end it now, I"m gonna go down town, to the post office where you work, and tell everyone I see that you"re a no good, cheating, filthy bum."The husband replied, "you"re gonna go down town, to the post office where I work, and tell everyone you see that I"m a no good, cheating, filthy bum?" She said, "yeah, that"s right."The husband held out an envelope and said, "mail this."
• Two guys sitting in the office chatting when this girl passes them going to the toilet.Bob says, "I think she"s nice."Bob"s mate: "well, nip over and give her the patter."Bob: "the patter?"Bob"s mate: "aye, the patter."Bob: "I don"t know any patter, I"ve never found it easy to talk togirls.""For crying out loud," says Bob"s Mate, "it"s easy - all you have to say is, "hello" and she will say, "hello." Then say, "it"s a nice day, isn"t it?""Then she will say, "Yes it is"Then you say, "but not half as nice as you!"Then she will say, "Oh thank you."Then the patter will just flow."Bob"s Mate says, "look there she coming back out of the toilet, go and give it a go."So, nervously, off he goes, re-running the patter in his head.He walks up and says, "Hello."She says, "Hello."He says, "It"s a nice day, isn"t it?"She says, "Yes it is."He says, "but not half as nice as you."She says, "Oh thank you."Few seconds of uneasy silence..............................Then he says........................................"Been for a shit, then?"
• I called up the AA the other day and asked them to bring a tow truck to my house, they turned up and said, "So, where you want this car taken, the garage?" I replied, "No, just down to the offices opposite the train station thanks." They looked bemused and asked, "Why you want us to take a broken down car there?" I replied, "Oh it"s not broken down, I just thought this would be cheaper than buying petrol."