New york jokes

• My parents went to New York on the 11th of September and all I got back was this bloody T-shirt.
• What did Osama Bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?Big Apple Crumble.
• Did you hear Burger King are doing a 9/11 commemoration meal?You get two flaming whoppers and a big apple crumble.
• I love September 11th.On this day every year my Muslim neighbours make me apple crumble.
• A Brummie goes to Ground Zero in New York one year after 9/11. Whilst there, he sees a fireman paying his respects. The Brummie says to him, "there were a lot of people that were very proud of what you guys did"."Thanks buddy," the fireman replies."You lot were bloody brave," the Brummie says."Thanks. Where are you from anyhow?" the fireman asks."Birmingham," he replies."Birmingham? What state"s that in?" asks the fireman.The Brummie looks around and replies, "about the same as this really..."
• A hoodie goes to an East End library to get out a book. The assistant says, "in order to borrow a book, you need to prove you"re a citizen of London."So he stabs him.
• I hear they"re making a skyscraper that changes shape in Dubai.Didn"t they already do that in New York?
• I was riding the subway in New York recently and a black man came up to me and said, "Do you know if the Yankees won?"I said, "You haven"t heard? Yes, the Yankees won. You"re free!"
• Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank"s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank"s underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000"" The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return""
• A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk that, although it"s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren"t worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager.The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager.No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "but we didn"t use it!"The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a cheque and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the manager says, "this cheque is only made out for $100.""That"s right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.""What! I didn"t sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager."Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
• A German tourist walks into a McDonald"s in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "they don"t serve beer here, you moron!"The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle."And what"s so funny?" the New Yorker demands."Oh, nothing really, I just realised how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"