Neighbour jokes

• My next door neighbour keeps racing pigeons...but the pigeons always win.
• The girl who grew up next door to me has just landed a part in a major film, at the age of 20.My claim to fame is that I shagged her before she was famous. 16 years before to be precise.
• We are always told we should look after and keep an eye on our old neighbours. Why the fuck should we? My 87 year old neighbour is such a lazy bitch, she hasn"t even taken her newspapers in for two weeks.
• I know this guy who has a Paki for a neighbour. His name is Mohammed Islam. I mean, for fuck"s sake, it"s like calling your kid Jesus Christianity
• I saw my neighbour in the garden digging.I asked, "what are you up to mate?"He replied, "I"m going to dig a really deep hole, fill it with water and have a bucket we can send down to get the water if ever we need it."I thought, "I"ll leave him to it,...... he means well..."
• I think my neighbour fancies me.She came over the other day and said, "I"ve noticed you looking at me."I was so surprised that I nearly dropped the binoculars.
• What"s the chav next door getting for Christmas? Your bike.
• What"s the one word beginning with N and ending with R that you don"t want to call a black person?Neighbour.
• My neighbours bought their little boy a drum kit a week ago. I went round there to see him earlier. What a noise he makes! You"d think he"d never had a drumstick shoved up his arse before!
• Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "what are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I"ve just buried him." The neighbour was concerned. "That"s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn"t it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "that"s because he"s inside your cat."
• I just heard my next door neighbour"s window smash and his burglar alarm went off so I immediately sprang into action...I went round there and got myself a free telly.