Muslim jokes

• Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!
• How many Muslims can you fit on a Boeing 747 ?Who cares - when they get out of the fucking country we can have a beer to celebrate
• A Muslim woman knocked on my front door last night - I spoke to her through the letterbox............ See how she fucking likes it!
• What do you call a Muslim desperate for a drink?Allah Vabeer
• Muslim extremists commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins.I just go down the local primary school.
• Strike back at Islam.Run into your local mosque with 20 pounds of pork sausages strapped to your chest.
• What do you call a 1000 sheets of paper with scribbles on them?The Holy Quran
• What do you call a Muslim having trouble breathing ?Asma Attaq
• London police are in trouble again, they have just shot a bus load of Thalidomide Muslims who were suspected of bringing small arms into the country.
• at five days before Nine Elevan points out that Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes to being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a 97% drop in suicide bombings globally. Apparently many terrorists were unaware what a virgin actually looked like.
• Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old?Because he was a paedophile.
• End Political Correctness......Kill a Muslim!
• I was surprised how British Muslims reacted to the Danish cartoons. I thought: "How can you get this worked up about a cartoon?" But then I remembered how angry I was when they gave Scooby Doo a nephew.
• British weather: it"s just like a Muslim; either Sunni or Shi"ite.
• I bought a teddy bear for ten quid, just sold it on ebay for twenty. Now I"ve got the fucking Sudanese Muslims after me for making a prophet out of a teddy.
• There"s an old saying:An apple a day keeps the doctors away.But nowadays most doctors seem to be Muslim so I find that bacon is far more effective.
• So, Gary Glitter likes to have sex with six-year-old girls, doesn"t like having his picture in the papers, and is always insisting that everyone join his gang.Is it just me, or does anyone else think he"s the reincarnation of the Prophet Mohammed?
• How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?None: they"ll complain to the authorities that changing lightbulbs is against their religion and our stupid fucking government will lap it all up and change the whole country"s lifestyle so we can compensate for those lazy, sweaty, filthy, miserable, benefit thieving, rag-head Paki cunts!
• Q: What do female Muslims use for birth control? A: Their faces.
• Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse? A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.
• Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump? A. "Having car trouble?"
• Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant? A: Dress her up as a goat.
• Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics? Neither did I.
• Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. What's toilet paper?
• Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay? A. Tickle the goat under the chin.
• Q. How did the Muslim adulteress cross the road? A. She was dragged by her feet, kicking and screaming, then she was stoned to death by a baying lynch-mob of brainwashed psychopaths.
• Q. Did you hear the one about the violent 53 year-old paedophile? A. Yes. He is revered by one fifth of the world's population as the one who started the world's most intolerant, repressive, misogynistic and violent religion.
• Q-- What's the difference between a Muslim and a bag of shit? A-- The bag.
• What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A terrorist.
• WHAT DO YOU CALL A GAY MUSLIM? A SUICIDE BUMMER
• whats the worst thing about two muslims in a car driving off a cliff,you could fit three more in the back
• What's the difference between a muslim woman and a pilchard? Ones oily and greasy with fuckin big bulging eyes.....the others a fish!
• why did the muslim cross the road? i was thinking to myself as i accelerated