Music jokes

• Have you heard about the new American radio station called WPMS?Each month, they play two weeks of love songs, one week of blues, one week of ragtime and two days of death metal.
• I once took a music exam at a Catholic school.The practical and listening part of the exam was fine but the Oral came as a bit of a shock!
• I went into a record shop and asked, "do you have anything by the Doors?"The assistant said, "yes, a fire extinguisher and a bucket of sand."
• I was in London yesterday when I saw Sting. I said, "Hey, you"re Sting! I"ve got all your records!"I"d love to see his face when he gets home and realises I"ve burgled him.
• What was Michelle McManus" favourite musical instrument at school?The dinner bell.
• Two chavs are in a car, and no music is playing. Who"s driving? The police.
• Gary Glitter has decided to return to music. This time he is to get involved with classical composing.So far he"s composed one song, entitled "Deep".Or, more precisely, "Deep in A Minor".
• As for Elton John being a great musician- I agree. But while he"s the greatest on the piano, I hear he sucks on the organ.
• A British company is developing computer chips that store music in women"s breast implants.A company spokesperson declares this a major breakthrough, as women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts without listening to them.
• Computer games don"t affect kids. I mean, if Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we"d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
• A pianist was hired to play background music for a movie. When it was completed he asked when and where he could see the picture. The producer sheepishly confessed that it was actually a porno film and it was due out in a month. A month later, the musician went to a porno theater to see it. With his collar up and dark glasses on, he took a seat in the back row, next to a couple who also seemed to be in disguise. The movie was even raunchier than he had feared, featuring group sex, S/M and even a dog. After a while, the embarrassed pianist turned to the couple and said, "I"m only here to listen to the music.""Yeah?" replied the man. "We"re only here to see our dog."
• I saw a recent TV advert for blood donation, in which Sharon Osborne says " An anonymous blood donor saved my life."I really hope it wasn"t me- I"m certainly never giving blood again.