Mummy jokes

• Mummy, Mummy! Are you sure this is the way to make ginger bread men?Shut up and get back in the oven.
• Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?A: Ask your mother...!!
• Little Johnny went to see his grandad and asked, "Grandad, could you please do a frog impression?"Grandad says, "you what?"Little Johnny says, "can you make the sound of a frog?"Grandad says, "of course I can, but why?"Little Johnny says, "good, because mummy said that, when you croak, we can all fuck off to Disneyland!"
• There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes."The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes."The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?"She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
• "Mummy, Mummy! Why do they call me spastic at school?""Shut up and take your feet out of your pockets."
• Mummy takes little Johnny to the zoo. As they pass the elephant cage, the elephant has an erection."What"s that, Mummy?" asks the child."Nothing, Johnny, nothing," says the embarrassed mother, swiftly leading him on.A week later Johnny"s dad takes him and the same happens. "What"s that, Daddy?""That, son, is the elephant"s penis.""Mummy said it was nothing.""Your mother"s spoiled, Son!"
• "Mummy, mummy, my best friend Jeremy has got a willy like a peanut!""Do you mean it"s small?""No, it"s salty!"
• "Mummy, Mummy! Can I wear a bra now that I"m 12?""No David."
• Little boy crying in a Romford supermarket.Man says to him "What"s up son?"The little boy replies "I can"t find mummy"The man says "What"s mummy like?" And the boy replies "Big cocks and Bacardi Breezers".
• It was my first night in prison and I was feeling a bit nervous. My cellmate was a huge bloke with muscles on his muscles. When lights out came and I was lying on my bunk he said:"Seeing that we"re going to be spending so much time together we better be family. What do you want to be, mummy or daddy""Oh shit" I thought. But, on the principle that it"s better to give than to receive, I said"I"ll be daddy then""Fair enough" says my cellmate "Now come over here and suck mummy"s cock....."
• A young boy comes home from school one day and says, "Mummy, mummy! What"s a lesbian?"She replied, "Ask your father when she gets home!"