Moon jokes

• When I look at the moon, I see you,When I look at the stars, I see you,When I look at the sea, I see you,Move out my fucking way you fat bitch!
• Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
• Night-timeBlonde #1: "Which do you think is further - France or the moon?"Blonde #2: "Duh... can you see France from here?"
• Why have we never sent a woman to the moon?Because it doesn"t need cleaning!
• Did you know that 13% of Americans think parts of the moon are actually made from cheese.If you think that"s scary, you don"t want to know what President Bush thinks about the city of Philadelphia.
• When Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind statement but followed it by several remarks, usual between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Jones".Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Jones in either the Russian or American space programs.Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the Good luck Mr. Jones statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.Four years ago, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Jones had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question. When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbors" bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Jones. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Jones shouting at Mr. Jones."Oral sex? You want oral sex? You"ll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
• The Moon has no atmosphere.Neither does Skegness, but we don"t spend millions of pounds going there to find out.
• How about some "ARSEICONS?"(_!_) a regular arse(__!__) a fat arse(!) a tight arse(_*_) a sore arse{_!_} a swishy arse(_o_) an arse that"s been around(_x_) kiss my arse(_X_) leave my arse alone(_zzz_) a tired arse(_E=mc2_) a smart arse(_$_) Money coming out of his arse(_?_) Dumb Arse
• A Russian, an American, and a Irishman were talking about how good there countries were. The Russian said, "we were the first in space!"The American said, "we were the first on the moon!"The Irishman said, "so what? We"re going to be the first on the sun!"The Russian shook his head and said, "you can"t land on the sun, you idiot! You"ll burn up!"To which the Irishman replied, "we"re not stupid, you know. We"re going at night!"
• I was sitting at the bottom of our back yard last night, and whilst gazing heavenwards, I watched the moon as it crossed the sky - like an amber chariot.I saw the stars scattered in space - like diamonds sprinkled on dark blue velvet.I thought - how insignificant we are compared to the vastness of the universe.I also thought..................It"s about time I got a fucking roof put on this outside toilet!-------------------------The late, great Les Dawson
• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!