Milk jokes

• Why do cows look so depressed when being milked?Well if someone woke you up early, rubbed your tits for two hours and didnt shag you, you`d be pissed off too!
• Why do Paki shops charge so much for their milk?Because their daughters have very small tits.
• For thousands of years human beings have milked cows, and consumed the milk.It just makes you wonder- who actually discovered that cows could be milked- and what was he TRYING to do?
• What kind of bees make milk?Boobies
• In the middle of the harvesting, one of the farmhands had to obey the call of nature. He went to the edge of the field and started peeing. Most unfortunately, he was stung by a bee right on the "tip."The pain was unbearable, but he knew a piece of good advice. He went to the farmers house and put his penis in buttermilk. At that moment the farmers daughter came in. With her face red, she stood perfectly still looking at him."Have you never seen one of these before?" the farmhand asked.To which the girl replied, "Yes, but this is the first time I see one being reloaded!
• What"s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?Americans don"t know how to milk a cow!
• I was driving past my Gran"s house today and saw 11 pints of milk on her doorstep. I thought, "she must be fucking thirsty today."
• "Flat tyre?""Yeah.""What happened?""Ran over a milk bottle.""Didn"t see it?""Damn kid had it under his coat."
• A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I"m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No. Just up to my tits."------BENNY HILL - ERNIE, THE FASTEST MILKMAN IN THE WEST
• This blonde asks her milkman if he could leave one hundred pints of milk for her on the following morning. When the milkman asks why she needed one hundred pints, the blonde says, "I was reading in a magazine that bathing in milk helps to soften and reduce wrinkles on the skin, so I"d like to fill my bath up using the hundred pints."So the milkman asks, "Pastuerised?"And the blonde says, "No, just up to my tits will be fine."
• My wife left me a week last Monday. She said she was going out for a bottle of milk and I"ve not seen her since. Everyone keeps asking if I"m managing ok, but I"ll be fine; I found some of that powdered stuff in the back of the cupboard.