Mexican jokes

• There is an apartment with three families in it. A black family lives at the top, a white family lives in the middle and a mexican family lives at the bottom. A tornado hit the apartment, which family survived? The white family: they were all at work.
• What do you call a Mexican with a broken lawn mower?Unemployed
• Why do Mexicans have mustaches?So they can look like their mothers.
• Your mum is like a brick - flat on all sides and gets laid by Mexicans.
• Why are there no decent Mexicans in the Olympics?Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is already in the States
• Why do Mexicans eat burritos at Christmas?So they have something to unwrap.
• A new scientific study reveals that Jesus was actually a Mexican:- he was born in a barn- he walked around always wearing flip-flops- if he ever did anything, it was a miracle
• What are the first words in a Mexican cookbook?Steal a chicken.
• Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?Tequila.
• A Mexican and a black are riding in car, who is driving?The policeman!
• What do you call a Mexican who can swim?A Texan.
• How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? None; they get the Mexicans to do it.
• Many times when I am troubled or confused, I find comfort in sitting in my back yard and having a vodka martini along with a quiet conversation with Jesus.This happened to me again after a particularly difficult day. I said "Jesus, why do I work so hard?"And I heard the reply: "Men find many ways to demonstrate the love they have for their family. You work hard to have a peaceful, beautiful place for your friends and family to gather."I said: "I thought that money was the root of all evil."And the reply was: "No, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money is a tool; it can be used for good or bad".I was starting to feel better, but I still had that one burning question, so I asked it. "Jesus," I said, "what is the meaning of life? Why am I here?"He replied: "That is a question many men ask. The answer is in your heart and is different for everyone. I would love to chat with you some more, Señor, but for now, I have to finish your lawn."
• Why are Mexicans so short? Because when they"re young, their parents say, "When you grow up you have to get a job"
• A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican guy were eying a hot chick from across a bar.She notices them looking at her, so she walks up to them.She says, " I want a man that"s smart. Use the words LIVER and CHEESE in one sentence. "The black guy goes " I love to eat liver and cheese. "The white guy goes " I like to cook liver and cheese. "The Mexican guy goes up to the girl and tells the guys " Liver alone, cheese mine!!"
• A Mexican, a Pakistani, and an Englishman are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.' The Pakistani obviously impressed by this, drinks his non-alcohol beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.' The English man, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out his 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Pakistani. Catching his glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, he says, 'In England we have so many illegal immigrants that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
• Q: How do you starve a mexican? A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
• Why doesn't Mexico have a good Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is in the U.S.