Mcdonalds jokes

• Apparently clumsy people are more likely to be obesethats because they keep walking into things....like McDonalds
• I saw a sign in McDonald"s today, it said "we do not accept £50 notes".Fuck me, if I had a £50 note, I wouldn"t be eating in McDonald"s.
• Billy ConnelyWhat Pisses me off.........ONEPeople who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?TWOPeople who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.THREEWhen people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuckin right! What good is a cake if you can"t eat it?FOURWhen people say "it"s always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you"ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?FIVEWhen people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No tosser, I paid 10 bucks to come to the movies and stare at the fuckin floor.SIXPeople who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn"t really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?SEVENWhen something is "new and improved!" Which is it? If it"s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it"s an improvement, then there must have been something before it.EIGHTWhen people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fuckin does!! What can you do that"s longer?NINEWhen you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?TENPeople who say things like "My eyes aren"t what they used to be". So what did they used to be? ears,ELEVENWhen you"re eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No it"s really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.TWELVEPeople who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that"s an image I really didn"t need.THIRTEENMcDonalds staff who pretend they don"t understand you unless you insert the "Mc" before the item you are ordering.....It"s has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger get blank looks..........Well, I"ll get a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fuckin McTosser.FOURTEENWhen you involved in a accident and someone asks "are you alright?" Yes fine thanks, I"ll just pick up my limbs and be offFIFTEENWhen people say "can I borrow a piece of paper i"ll pay you back" It"s one god damn piece of paper you fucking retards i don"t want it back
• The graduate with a science degree asks, "why does it work?"The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "how does it do that?"The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "how much does it cost?"The American graduate with the Arts degree asks, "do you want fries with that?"
• Olympic Gold medallists may receive fame and glory for their sporting endeavours, but only winners at the Special Olympics get taken to McDonald"s afterwards as well.
• If ignorance is bliss, why are McDonald"s staff never happy?
• A German tourist walks into a McDonald"s in New York City and orders a beer. The local guy in the line behind him immediately gives him a verbal jab, "they don"t serve beer here, you moron!"The German fellow felt embarrassed. However, he turned to the New Yorker with a surprised look on his face and begins to chuckle."And what"s so funny?" the New Yorker demands."Oh, nothing really, I just realised how stupid you are. You came here for the food!"
• The American team, sponsored by McDonald"s, are expected to do well at the Paralympics.Ever since obesity was declared a disability, they have been training hard.
• A very emotional day today. There are a lot of Americans where I work and many of them were in tears today.It"s the same old fucking story every time McDonald"s runs out of Big Macs.
• What do you say to a chav with a job?"I"ll have a Big Mac please"