Maths jokes

• Teenagers will be collecting their A-level results today, with pass rates in Maths expected to top 97%. The other 8% Failed
• 3.14159265 people walked into a restaurant.They sat down and ordered pi.
• Maths illiteracy affects 7 out of 5 people.
• The U.S. Department of Education announced today that 2 of 3 students do badly in grammar, but the other half are doing good in maths.
• Little Johnny was in his maths lesson one day when his teacher asked him a question to see if he was paying attention. "If I gave you £20", she began, "and you gave £5 to Mary, £5 to Sally and £5 to Susan, what would you have?". Johnny thought about this and then answered, "An orgy?"
• Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, "How much is 2x3?" I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that"s right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, "How much is 3x2?"" "What"s the FUCKING! difference?" asks the father? "That"s what I said!"
• There are 10 types of people in this world.Those that understand binary and those who don"t
• In the news today apparently 50% of England"s schools are not teaching mathematics well enough, Doesn"t sound that bad to me, still less than a quarter.
• I got an email from my mate in the States earlier. He said, "can you give me some help with my math?"I said, "It"s mathS. Add an "S" on the end you cunt".Later I got an email back, "can you also give me some help with my Englishs?"
• Rt HON Ed Balls MP, Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, has announced his concerns over the current education plan, after below average marks were achieved in this years national SATS exams.He is quoted as saying, "half of the country"s children can"t read, half can"t write, and the other third can"t add up..."
• and then, when he came to the mathematicians cell, he found it all covered in spaghetti sauce! He opened the cell and checked every corner but the mathematician was nowhere to be found. Only the lone, still unopened can of spaghetti sauce was still standing where he had left it, still unopened. Wondering where the sauce on the walls had come from, he checked the can - it was still closed at both ends... So he got his can opener and opened it and to his astonishment found the mathematician crammed inside, shrugging his shoulders apologetically and mumbling "Mixed up my algebraic signs"