Man utd jokes

• Greater Manchester Police have confirmed that 2 Premiership footballers have had their houses burgled on the same night.Ryan Giggs lost 1 Champions League medal, 10 Premiership, 4 FA Cup and 2 League Cup medals. Richard Dunn lost a kettle and a toaster!!
• Man United have announced they are dedicating their Champions league victory to the man who immortalised the Busby Babes.The pilot.
• It has been reported in the news that upon leaving Stamford Bridge the Man United team bus was attacked and a window was shattered.I can confirm that there was no window damage....Wayne Rooney actually looks like that.
• Craig Meehan helped engineer a plot to abduct his step-daughter, Shannon Matthews, and con money out of the great british public. Ah well, never mind!Craig Meehan was found to have disgusting child pornography on his computer. Silly boy, but, what the heck!Craig Meehan appeared in court in a Man.Utd shirt with the name "Ronaldo" on his back.String the goggle eyed little bastard up!!!
• My younger brother"s really happy today - he"s leaving home to do an apprenticeship with Man Utd.We"re gonna say he"s in prison for rape.
• I had to laugh after the match tonight- the commentator said " There won"t be anyone celebrating in London tonight! "Who the fuck is he trying to kid- Thats where most of the Man Utd fans are from.
• In 1958, Manchester United flew to Europe. Their plane tragically crashed, killing eight of the most talented footballers of their generation.50 years later, Manchester United flew to Europe, and lifted the Champions League cup.Don"t worry though. The cunts still have to fly home.
• One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he"d sleep in the barn. The Hindu and the United fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on thedoor. It was the Jew. "I"m sorry," he said, "but there"s a pig in that barn and because I"m Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it.""No problem," said the Hindu. "I"ll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the United fan and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I"m sorry," he said, "but there"s a cow in that barn and becauseI"m a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."The United fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig.
• David Beckham is in training with Ryan Giggs. They are both joking and messing about when a furious Alex Ferguson comes up to them to give them a piece of his mind."Lads, after todays performance you two can stay behind for extra training."Beckham and Giggs are gutted and then wait for the end of the session. Ferguson and the boys go home and it"s just the two of them."Let"s just go home," says Giggsy, "who will know?"So they both go home to their respective houses. Beckham goes upstairs to hear passionate moaning and screaming coming from the bedroom. Becks goes to investigate and puts his head round the door to see Fergie pumping away at Victoria and is horrified.The next day in training Beckham and Giggs are fucking around when Fergie tells them both to stay behind again.Giggs turns to Beckham and says, "Let"s just go home early again.""Fuck you," replies Beckham, "I nearly got caught yesterday."
• My little sister needs help getting dressed.She"s not disabled - she keeps on wearing a Man Utd top.
• whats the difference between man utd and baby p? i dont have a wank when i hear about man utd getting a good beating at home