Little johnny jokes

• Little Johnny is walking down the street with his dad when suddenly he sees a honey bee, which little Johnny swats dead with his hand. His dad responds to that that with, "you cruel little fucker, because you killed that bee you will have no honey on your toast for the rest of this week!"A bit further down the road, he sees a butterfly and little Johnny catches it and kills it by pulling its wings off, which his dad responds by saying, "you horrible little bastard, because you just killed a butterfly, you will have no butter on your bread for a week!"Later on, back at the house, the family have just finished dinner when suddenly a cockroach comes out from behind the cooker. The mum squashes it with her foot, and little Johnny looks at his dad and says, "are you gonna fucking tell her or shall I?"
• Little Johnny went to see his grandad and asked, "Grandad, could you please do a frog impression?"Grandad says, "you what?"Little Johnny says, "can you make the sound of a frog?"Grandad says, "of course I can, but why?"Little Johnny says, "good, because mummy said that, when you croak, we can all fuck off to Disneyland!"
• Little Johnny walks into his parents bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, "Get outta here, you little shit!"A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny"s bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.Little Johnny smiles, "It"s not so fucking funny when it"s YOUR mum, is it?"
• Little Johnny is in the bath with his Dad when he says, "Daddy, why is my willy different from yours?"His Dad replies, "well, for a start, son, yours isn"t erect."
• A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy.She says: "Excuse me sonny, but do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch?" He says: "No, but I"ve got dangling balls on a 9 inch.""That"s not a record is it?""It is for a 10 year old."
• Little Johnny goes into school after being absent the previous day,His teacher demands, "where were you yesterday?""I"m sorry Miss, my dad got burnt," replies Johnny."Oh,I"m sorry,I hope it wasn"t serious," says the teacher.To which Johnny replies, "well, they don"t fuck about at the crematorium."
• A boy came running into his house to his mum excitedly yelling "Mum mum, we"re sitting round the neighbours watching porn!"Mum: "WHAT!!?"The boy: "Relax mum! It"s child porn!"
• Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question."Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?""None," replied Johnny, ""Cause the rest would fly away.""Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?""Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?""No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
• Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn"t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn"t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I"LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"
• A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine-year-old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It"s dark in here, isn"t it?" "Yes it is," the man replies. "You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks. "No thanks," the man replies. "I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues. "OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he is in. "Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies. "TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. "It"s dark in here, isn"t it?" the boy starts off. "Yes it is," replies the man. "Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks. "OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. "Fifty dollars," the boy replies and the transaction is completed. The next weekend, the little boy"s father says "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we"ll play some catch." "I can"t. I sold them," replies the little boy. "How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. "Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says. "SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That"s thievery! I"m taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness", the father explains as he hauls the child away.At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It"s dark in here, isn"t it?" "Don"t you start that in here," the priest says.