Little girl jokes

• Why did the Prophet Mohammed marry a six-year-old?Because he was a paedophile.
• Paedophiles are fucking immature arseholes.
• Women. They are confusing creatures, eh?My wife suggested "spicing up" our sex life. But when I suggested to have a threesome with the girl next door, she was disgusted and threw me out.Personally, I don"t see the problem. She was the one who said the girl next door was "cute" whilst we were babysitting.
• This is a quick story about the bond formed between a little girl and a group of building workers. It"s allegedly true and makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant building. One day Joe, Steve and a gang of building workers turned up to start building a house on the empty plot. The young family"s 5 year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She hung around and eventually the builders, all with hearts of gold, more or less adopted the little girl as a sort of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had tea and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. They even gave her very own hard hat and gloves.At the end of the first week they presented her with a pay envelope containing two pounds in 10p coins. The little girl took her "pay" home to her mother who suggested that they take the money she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account. When they got to the bank the cashier was tickled pink listening to the little girl telling her about her "work" on the building site and the fact she had a "pay packet"."You must have worked very hard to earn all this", said the bank cashier. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with the men building a big house.""My goodness gracious," said the cashier, "Will you be working on the house again this week, as well?" The little girl thought for a moment and said... "I think so.... Provided those pricks at Jewson deliver the fucking bricks."Supplied by my friend Kai
• A little girl comes running in from the playground in floods of tears. She goes to the school counsellor and he asks her what"s wrong."I was standing near the bushes at the edge of the playground and a man dragged me into the bushes...""And what happened then?" asked the counsellor."He started to touch my knee...""And what happened then?""Well, he started moving his hand up my leg and he touched my thigh""And what happened then?""He moved his hand up and started touching my knickers""And what happened then...?""I can"t remember, I can"t remember" screams the little girl"**furiously masturbating** "Well fucking well make it up then!"
• I used to work for the Samaritans and I"ll never forget the last call I took.Me-"Hello, Samaritans, can I help you?"Caller-"I"ve done something terrible."Me-"Can you talk to me about it?"Caller-"I asked a little girl to get into my car."Me-"And did she?"Caller-"Yes she did and then I stroked her leg."Me-"Then what happened?"Caller-"I put my hand up her skirt and touched her little fanny."Me-"I see,and what else did you do?"Caller-"Well,I took out my penis and moved her head towards it until my penis was in her mouth."Me-"Okay, thats okay, you can talk to me I"m here to listen. Please go on."Caller-"Well, then I took down my trousers and lifted her skirt up and pulled her knickers down."Me-"Yes, what next?"Caller-"Well thats when she ran away"Me-"For fucks sake! Make something up, quickly!
• One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don"t you tell me all about it?" The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy"s thingee sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that"s how you get babies." Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling, that"s sweet, but that"s not how you get babies. That"s how you get jewelry."
• A little boy comes running into the house and says, "Mummy,can little girls have babies?" His mum replies, "no,of course not."The little boy runs back outside and yells, "it"s ok,we can play that game again!"
• A biker is riding by the zoo when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion"s cage . Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her before the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him profusely.A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter, addressing the biker says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."The biker replies, "why, it was nothing really: the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right."The reporter says, "well, I"ll make sure this won"t go unnoticed. I"m a Journalist from The New York Times, you know, and tomorrow"s paper will have this story on the front page. So... what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?"The biker replies, "I"m a United States Marine and a Republican."The journalist leaves.The following morning, the biker buys a copy of The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads on the front page:U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
• A little girl catches her parents having sex. She says "mummy, why are you bouncing up n down on daddy?" Her mum replies "You see daddy"s big belly? I"m trying to get some of the air out of it." The following night, she walks in on them again - this time she says "I think you are wasting your time mummy, today I saw Mrs. Jones from next door blowing him back up!"