Lesbian jokes

• What do lesbians do after an argument?They go home and lick each others wounds.
• What do lesbians do when they are on their periods???Finger paint
• What do you call a load of lesbians on top of each other?A block of flaps
• You have to hand it to Lesbians, they make some great films.
• I recently came out of the closet, about being a lesbian, in front of my parents. I was a bit nervous as to how they would react but they took it surprisingly well, especially my dad. He asked me what my girlfriend looked like then ran quickly upstairs to the bathroom.
• My number one sexual fantasy actually came true this weekend - to go to bed with two lesbians!Now my number one sexual fantasy is to go to bed with two lesbians who actually look like women.
• Have you heard about the new treatment doctors are prescribing depressed lesbians?Its called Trydicagain.
• Two lesbians were bathing together. So one girl asked her the other one; "How come you have very little pubic hair on your pussy?" The other girl replied with this question, "Hey, have you ever seen tall grass on a busy road?"
• What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?"See you next month!"
• What"s the difference between Ant and Dec and lesbian sex? Nothing. They"re both just a couple of cunts bouncing off each other.
• A lesbian goes to a gynaecologist and the gynaecologist says "I must say, this is the cleanest pussy I"ve seen in ages.""Thanks," said the lesbian. "I have a woman in 4 times a week."
• Apparently, lesbian "couples" are now trying to adopt children, but many are insisting on female children. Is it just me, or is there something really suspicious about that? I mean, I don"t mind, it"s just that I"m jealous that they won"t let me join in.
• Why did God create lesbians?So feminists couldn"t breed.
• What"s the difference between a Ritz cracker and a lesbian?One"s a snack cracker and the other is a crack snacker.
• A guy sits next to a beautiful woman in a bar, and as he starts to talk to her she interrupts him and says, "Please don"t waste your time, I am a lesbian.""Oh," he says, "That"s interesting. Tell me how would you for instance pick up another woman?""Well," she say`s, "I have had my eye on that blond at the bar we have made eye contact, so now I will sit next to her and start a conversation and after a while I will stroke her leg and if she responds by touching me I will caress her breasts...."At this the guy shouts "Fuck me!""What"s wrong?" asks the woman."I think I"m a lesbian as well!" he says.
• A lesbian goes to a nutritionist because she has indigestion. The nutritionist says, "it"s simple - you are what you eat." So the lesbian turns to her and says, "are you calling me a cunt?"
• A girl goes into the doctor"s for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor."Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he"s so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we fuck," she replies.A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor."Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he"s so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we shag," she replies.A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor."No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why?"
• How many nails are used to make a lesbian"s coffin?None - it"s all tongue and groove
• A man walked into an agent"s office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What"s your name?" The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but to get into Hollywood you have to change your name." "I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name," replied the man. The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I"m telling you, you have to change your name or I will not be able to represent you." "So be it!" replied the man, storming out. "I guess we will not do business together!"Five years later the agent opened an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope was a letter and a cheque for $50,000. The agent was awe-struck. Who would send him $50,000? He read the letter... "Dear sir, five years ago I came into your office wanting to become an actor. You told me I needed to change my name. I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.Yours Sincerely, Dick van Dyke.
• A Welshman, an Irishman, a Paki, Jimmy Carr, two lesbians, a Jew and my neighbour"s nine-year-old daughter walk into a bar.The barman screams, "DUPLICATE!" And then he says something bad about Americans.
• At the weight watchers a fat lesbian is told: You are what you eat. She get angry and says: What are you calling me a cunt?
• Q: What is a lesbian's favourite sexual position? ... A: The Dutch Position: stick a finger in a dike.
• if men like lespian porn do women like gay.
• The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. very nice, but i think they misunderstood when i said i wanna watch!
• Q: What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? ... A: Well hung.