Leg jokes

• I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
• Have you heard that Asda and MFI are forming a partnership?Yeah, I just bought a chicken from them - its leg fell off!
• Disney have announced that Heather Mills will be touring in the musical version of their hit filmHappy Foot.
• What has four legs and one arm? A doberman in a playground.
• What do you call a dog with one leg?Heather.
• Why did Paul McCartney marry Heather Mills?Because she went down on one knee.
• Paul stood upon the grassy bank, His heart was all a-quiver,She took off her suspender belt, And her leg fell in the river.
• What"s black, has eight legs and makes women scream?Gang rape.
• Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg for Christmas.It wasn"t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.
• Paul McCartney has bought his wife a plane for Christmas.But she"ll still use a razor on the other leg.
• In a hospital serving victims of land mines, a little girl wakes up from surgery.Little Girl: Doctor, something is wrong... I can"t feel my legs!Doctor: Yes, we"ve had to amputate both your arms.
• A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I"m buggered, who in their right mind would want a one legged gold digger?"His mate replies "Try Paul McCartney"
• A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman"s apartment. "I can"t imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all.""Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs apart and close your eyes," said the midget.The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest thing she"d ever experienced inside her. Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times."If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "just wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"