Leeds jokes

• Leeds United chairman, Ken Bates, has today announced that the club are to merge with neighbouring rugby league team Leeds Rhinos.The new club will be called Leeds Urinals.
• Cristiano Ronaldo was bowled over by his player of the year award.Even though slow-motion replays showed that it clearly never touched him.
• Just bought a Liverpool FC advent calendar. Fucking typical, all the windows are boarded up and some cunts nicked all the fucking chocolate.
• To be fair to Josef Fritzl, when he locked his daughter up 24 years ago, he did agree to release her when Huddersfield Town beat Leeds United again. 20/10/84 1-015/04/08 1-0
• Leeds United to the Champions League semi final.100 million pounds.Cost of it all going wrong.Double relegation and a 15 point deduction.Watching Leeds fans crying on the telly (again) after losing to Doncaster Rovers.Priceless.
• MISSING DOGHave you seen my yappy, snappy little shitzu lapdog?Been missing since January from Bellend Rd area of Leeds.Answers to the name...Dennis Wise.Call Ken on 0113 367 6000Will pay reward, though you may only receive a penny for every pound!
• There was an old woman from Leedswho swallowed a packet of seedsin less than an hourher tits were in flowerand her vagina was covered in weeds
• What have LEEDS and DERBY got in common?Neither deserve to get 15 points
• Leeds council have done a survey on what residences think about Polish in their city. 23% said there were too many and 77% said -" Pzwekj Oiv Djkevtski Polski"!!
• With Leeds and Doncaster into the playoff final there"s going to be a lot of broken hearted Yorkshiremen on the way back home.It"s 5 quid for a meat pie at Wembley.
• Watching Port Vale play Leeds the other week and I was standing with this bloke that had the most unusual dog.Just before half time Leeds scored and the dog leapt on it"s back two feet and started to applaud with it"s front paws.I said " Bloody hell mate that dogs something else, what does it do when Port Vale score ? "The bloke replied " Fuck knows I"ve only had him 2 seasons "
• I don"t see what"s so "special" about these paralympic games; I see thousands of total spastics, often much worse than these athletes, every day. Although, in fairness, it should be pointed out I work in Leeds.