Jimmy carr jokes

• Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
• I was out collecting money for a sponsored walk last week... I collected so much that I got a taxi instead.
• When someone close to you dies, move seats
• Apparently clumsy people are more likely to be obesethats because they keep walking into things....like McDonalds
• My friend recently had a miscarriage. But look on the bright side: Slimmer of the Month.
• Bishops tried to take a step forward by introducing female Bishops. It failed.Everyone knows Bishops can only move diagonally.
• I was raised a Catholic, and the most annoying thing about going to church was all the standing up, sitting down, and kneeling.I wish the priest could"ve just picked a position and fucked me!
• I read that Simon Cowell is extremely wealthy and spends 500k on his personal security every year.Wouldn"t it be a lot cheaper if he tried to be a little bit less of a cunt?
• I don"t agree with Vodafone"s advertising campaign.It states "Be part of the worlds largest mobile community"Now correct me if I"m wrong but that"s the Gypsies!
• I was walking along the beach when I saw a small boy lying on the sand who had been stung by a jelly fish. I remembered that if you"re stung by one you should to piss on it, so I whipped my dick out and started pissing on him. His parents weren"t too pleased though, apparently it doesn"t work when they"re dead.
• If we"re all God"s children, then what"s so special about Jesus?