- What did the Nazis get after they installed tanning beds in Auschwitz?Concentrated orange Jews.
- Why would the Holocaust have failed if the victims were Islamic?Because it would have been impossible to get a Muslim to take a shower.
- How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb? None, they sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it.
- Jesus to the left of me, Moses to the right!Here I am, stuck in the middle of Jews.
- What does a Jew with an erection get when he runs into a wall?A broken nose.
- Where do you send Jewish kids with A.D.D.?To concentration camps.
- How do you make a Jewish Omelette?First you borrow 3 eggs....
- The Muslims are forever carrying out terrorist attacks on Israel, because the Jews keep taking over their land and forming their own communities.I recently went to Luton, and realised the Muslims are a bunch of hypocrites.
- Why do Jews watch porn films backwards?They love the bit where the prostitute gives the money back.
- Was struggling with my crossword this morning.Clue: Jewish bakerLetters: (5,6)A - - - - H - - - - -
- Why did Hitler commit suicide?He got the gas bill.
- What runs along walls and kills Jews?Gas Pipes.
- What did the Jewish paedophile say to the little boy after he got in the car?"Hey, go easy on the sweets."
- In response to ze jibes that ve germans haf no humour.Ze fuhrer vas in a restaurant, ze waiter asks do you want wein or juice? Ze fuhrer answers; "Wein. Ze juice have been exterminated!"
- Political correctness gone mad!I"m advertising for a new job at my company and so in the advert I politely put "Muslims and Jews need not apply." Muslims are generally cool about it, Jews don"t care - it"s just those fuckers from the council who are round straight away threatening me with a court summons for active racial discimination. Stupid, dopey bastards. I"m a pork butcher, for fuck"s sake.
- People who don"t like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn"t have such funny beliefs.
- Why do Jews never get distracted?Because they"ve all been to concentration camp.
- Some kid was playing up and being a right twat in Tesco, so his dad gave him a smack, so this German woman comes over and tapped the dad on the shoulder and said "In my country we don"t smack our children", He replied "Well, in our country we don"t gas our jews"
- Israel are considering pulling out of the Beijing Olympics due to the smoggy air conditions.The Chinese government says "it"s just harmless mist".An Israeli spokesman says " we are not falling for that one again "
- What"s a Jew"s ultimate dilemma?Free pork.
- Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised?They know Jewish women can"t resist anything with 10% off.
- How do you get a Jewish girl"s number?Roll up her sleeve.
- A news reporter goes to see a Jewish man who has been going to the western wall in Israel to pray once a day for 70 years, the reporter goes up to him and says, "hello I"m a reporter for the BBC and we know you"re quite famous around this wall so we were wondering if we could ask you a few questions." The man agrees and she asks, "so we were wondering; what have you actually been praying for all of these years?"The man replies, "I have been praying for peace between the Jews and Arabs and for all world hatred and terrorism to stop, and for my children and grandchildren to grown up in a peaceful world." The news reporter says, "Wow that"s truly beautiful, how do you feel after doing this for 70 years?"The man replies, "I feel like I"ve been talking to a fucking brick wall."
- Why is it that, when the Sealed Knot recreate Civil War battles, it"s considered to be enriching historical entertainment and a nice family day out but, when me and a few mates attempt to recreate the holocaust, we all get arrested?
- Q: What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
A: Santa Claus goes down the chimney.
- Q How was copper wire invented?
A Once, two Jews grabbed the same penny...
- at a meating in a synagogue, Yossef asks the rabbi: "rabbi, why do people hate us so much?"
the rabbi says "that's an interesting question. how about we all talk about it tomorrow over some vodka. each one of you should bring a bottle so we can mix it in a big pot and drink, and discuss, and the answer will be clear."
Yossef went home and thought to himself "if everyone else is going to bring a bottle of vodka, if i bring a bottle of water no one will notice the difference."
and water was what he brought.
the rabbi poured all the vodka together in one pot, and started mixing it.
Yossef got anxious - "well, rabbi, what is the answer to my question? why do people hate us so much?"
the rabbi filled a cup and said "drink this Yossef"
yossef did and said "but this is water!"
and the rabbi said "and this is why the people hate us"
- What's the difference between jews and boyscouts?
Boyscouts come back from their camps!
- What's the difference between a jew and Santa?
Santa goes down the chimney!
- Whats the object of Jewish football?
To get the quarter back
- Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza?
The pizza doesnt scream when you put it in an oven!
- Who is the greatest Jewish cook ever?
- whats the difference between a jew and a car?
a car wont die when you give it some gas
- What did the little German boy get Christmas?
G.I Jew and an Easy Bake Oven
- How much do jews charge for their circumsisions ? They dont they just keep the tips
- A Jew and a nigger jump off a building to see who will hit the ground first. Who wins?
- 2. What's the diffrence between jews and the Santa Claus?
=Santa goes down the chimney
- How many spics does it take to have a bath?Five, one to lie in the tub and four to spit on him.
- How was copper wire invented?
Two jews fighting over a penny.