Japanese jokes

• Japanese scientists have invented a camera with a shutter that operates so fast, it was recently able to take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut
• Making News TonightA Bottle-nosed dolphin captured off Tokyo last month has an extra set of fins that could be the remains of hind legs. Japanese Scientists described the find as a breakthrough; a delicious, delicious breakthrough.
• I got thrown out of the Pub last Saturday.Bukkake... karaoke... Its all Japanese to me.
• Have you heard about the case of that fugitive who held hostage a busload of Japanese tourists?The police have 5,000 pictures of him.
• We were that poor when I was a kid, my parents used to get my school clothes from the Army surplus shop.Nothing wrong with that you might say. But do you realise how badly bullied you get going school dressed as a Japanese sniper.
• Why do the Japanese have slanty eyes?Have you seen the glare from an H bomb?
• Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Japanese fighter pilots?You only have to teach them to take off.
• Why do Japanese people have slanted eyes?Because they"re still squinting from the blast.
• There were three naked men in a sauna; an American, a Japanese man and an Irishman. They heard a bleeping sound and the American touches his arm and says,"That"s my pager, I have a microchip under my skin."Next a phone rings and the Japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says,"I have a microchip in my hand." The Irishman feeling very lowtech went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse, he says, "Oh Jaysus! Would you look at that, I"m getting a fax!"
• The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating ferociously."What the hell do you think you"re doing?" she screams.One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"
• Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo. The place is absolutelypacked to the rafters. Stevie, in a bid to break the ice with his new audience, asks if anyone would like him to play a request..A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice;"Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"Amazed that this guy knows about Stevie"s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts;"No! Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"A bit pee"d off by this, Stevie - being the professional that he is - dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise. The little old man then jumps up again;"No! Play a jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"Well and truly pee"d off that this little guy doesn"t seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage;"Christ, how about you get up here and do it?!"To his amazement, the litte old man climbs up onto the stage and grabs the microphone out of Stevie"s hands. As the crowd falls silent, he clears his throat and belts out;"A jazz chord to say I ruv you!"