Jail jokes

• what do you call 500 white men running down a hill ?? an avalanchewhat do you call 500 indians running down a hill ?? a mud-slidewhat do you call 500 blacks running down a hill ?? JAILBREAK
• I just had a go of the Liverpool version of MonopolyIts just like regular monopoly except every space says go to jail.
• Last week my mate was sent to prison for selling drugs. He got 6 years; one for the possession of the drugs,and five years for retailing using non-metric weights and measures.
• What do you call a white man surrounded by 10 black guys?Quarterback.What do you call a white man surrounded by 1000 black guys?Warden.
• I saw a Nigger outside a police station the other day. I asked him, "What are you out for?"
• A wife comes down stairs one night to find her husband quietly sobbing. She goes up to him and gently asks him what"s the matter.He replies, remember when we first met? You were 16, I was 18, we went out for six months and then I got you pregnant.That"s right my love she replies, and remember how my father said if you didn"t marry me he would get you put away for 20 years?The husband looks up at her and says "I would have gotten out today."
• Three convicts were on their way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of oils and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "John Constable of Jail".Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire, gin, and any number of games."The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled, saying, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "What on earth can you do with those?" He grinned, pointed to the box and said, "Well, according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, skiing, roller-skating......"
• My scouser cousin"s girlfriend had a baby today. They"re so proud of him. He"s the only one in the family who"s been inside for less than nine months.
• A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him and finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.She watches as he wiped a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee."What"s the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"The husband looks up from is coffee, "do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?", he asks solemnly.The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?""Yes, I remember," said his wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.The husband continued, "do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "either you marry my daughter or I will send you to jail for 20 years?""I remember that, too," she replied softly.He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."
• Three South Africans, a black and two whites, are in jail, discussing what they"re in for.The first white South African is asked what he"s in for, to which he replied "Robbery, and I got two years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t armed robbery, or I"d have got five years."The second white South African is asked next, to which he replied "Sexual assault, and I got 7 years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t rape, or I"d have got ten years."The black South African is finally asked, to which he replied "Riding my bike without a light, and I got life. The judge said it was lucky it wasn"t dark, or I"d be facing a firing squad!"
• Who was the last 20 stone black man to ride a derby winner?Lester Piggott"s cell mate.