Iraq jokes

• How many GIs does it take to change a lightbulb?Two: One to force an Iraqi to do it and another one to rape his mother.
• George Bush has just announced that the floods in New Orleans are believed to be the work of a suicide plumber from Iraq.
• FACTThere has been a monthly average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months and a total of 2,112 deaths. That gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000 soldiers.The firearm death rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000 persons for the same period.That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in the U.S. Capital than you are in Iraq.Conclusion: Maybe its time the U.S. pull out of Washington?
• This war in Iraq certainly does throw up a lot of ethical questions.With Americans on one side and Muslims on the other... who do you support?
• A journalist goes to Iraq and is surprised to see that the local men allow their wives to walk in front of them. The journalist approaches a local and says, "I thought the custom in Islamic countries was for wives to walk ten paces behind their husbands?""It was," replied the local, "But that all changed with the war.""How did the war change things?" The journalist enquired.The local replied, "land mines."
• A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your habit? I"ll explain later."The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?"The nun replied, "He went that way."After the MP"s ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her habit and said, "I can"t thank you enough Sister. You see, I don"t want to go to Iraq."The nun said, "I understand completely."The soldier added, "I hope I"m not rude, but you have a hairy pair of legs!"The nun replied, "If you"d looked a little higher, you"d have seen a great pair of balls... I don"t want to go to Iraq either."
• George Bush is being giving his daily briefing, he is told that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That"s terrible!"His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
• George Bush spoke out against the invasion of Georgia today saying: "Russia has invaded a sovereign state...such an action is not acceptable in the 21st century."Who said Americans can"t do irony?
• George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, "What is your name?" "My name is Bob", says the boy."And what is your question, Bob?" "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when al gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?"Just then, the bell rings for recess. George bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "Ok where were we? Oh, that"s right. Question time. Who has a question?"A different little boy raises his hand. George points him out and asked him "what is your name?" "My name is Steve" says the boy."And what is your question Steve?""I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? Fifth, where is Bob?"
• I don"t know why everyone says George Bush is stupid.His wars have killed more Americans than any terrorist could ever dream of.
• Rafa Benitez flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football and is impressed and arranges for him to come over to England.Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chealsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod and on he goes.The lad is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for the reds! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football."Hello mum, guess what?" he says. "I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. It"s wonderful!""Wonderful?! " says his mum, "Let me tell you about my day."Your father got shot and robbed in the street, your sister and I were ambushed, gang raped and beaten and your brother was beheaded by masked men, all while you were having such a wonderful time."The young lad is very upset, "What can I say mum, but I"m so sorry.""Sorry?!! Sorry?!!" says his mum, "It"s your bloody fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place!"
• A squad of American soldiers was patrolling the Iraqi border, when they came across a badly mangled dead body. As they got closer, they found it was an Iraqi soldier. A short distance up the road, they found a badly mangled American soldier in a ditch on the other side of the road, struggling to breathe. They ran to him, cradled his bruised head and asked him what had happened. "Well," he whispered, "I was walking down this road, armed to the teeth when I came across this heavily armed Iraqi border guard. I looked him right in the eye and shouted, "Saddam Hussein is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash!"" "He looked me right in the eye and shouted back, "George W. Bush is a moronic, deceitful, lying piece of trash too!"" "We were standing there shaking hands when a truck hit us."