Indian jokes

• Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer,Then, on the way home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab, to sit on a Swedish sofa and watch USA shows on a Japanese TV. And, most of all, being suspicious of anything foreign oh and.. only in Britain can you get a pizza to your door faster than an ambulance. Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain pens to the counter. Also supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get their fags at the front of the shop. We might be British, but by fuck are we funny!
• How do you tell when an Indian boy becomes a man? When the nappy goes from the arse to the head......
• What do you call an Indian with pink hair?Gandhi floss.
• An insect falls into a mug of beerEnglishman: Throws his mug away and walks outAmerican : Takes the insect out and drinks the beerChinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer awayIndian : Sells the beer to the American, the insect to the Chinese and gets a fresh beer for himselfPakistani : Accuses the Indian of putting the insect in his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for military aid and gets a loan from the American to buy another beer. The Paki then moves to England and claims benefits.
• I went for an Indian last night. The waiter came over and said "Curry OK?"I said "Go on then, one song then you can fuck off".
• This Indian bloke walks into this supermarket and ask the attendant what kind of toilet paper they have for sale. The attendant shows him three brands. The first brand is called Kleenex and costs two pounds for two rolls, the second brand is Sorbent and costs one pound for two rolls and the third brand is a no name brand and costs fifty pence for five rolls. The Indian says, "Five rolls for fifty pence, that is cheap - think of the Vindaloos I can have."So the Indian buys the no name toilet paper and leaves. The next day he returns to the store and finds the attendant and says to him, "I still have got four toilet rolls left, but I have found a name for your toilet roll."The attendant looked confused when he said that and asked him to explain.The Indian says, "You should call it John Wayne toilet paper!"The attendant said, "Why John Wayne?"And the Indian replies, "Because it was rough, tough and took no shit!
• Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar."Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who"s he?""Gee, that"s the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?""Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?""Leeds," replied the memory man.Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"The wise Red Indian didn"t hesitate in answering, "2-1."Dave thinks he"ll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave"s curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to American and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue."How," Dave says.The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."
• A White, a Black and an Indian are walking along the beach when they find a magic lamp. Quick as a flash, out pops a Genie."Ah, you have freed me," says the Genie. "I will grant you each one wish to show my gratitude." The Indian says, "I wish all the Indians were home in India living happy lives."Poof! He dissapears.The Black says, "I wish all the Blacks were home in Africa living happy lives."Poof! he dissapears.Then the White turns to the Genie and says, "so you"re telling me there are no Blacks or Indians in the country?""Yes, I suppose so," replies the Genie.The White says, "well, I"ll just have some champagne then."
• I fancied a curry last night, so I rang my local Restaurant. I couldn"t believe it, even the take away uses a fucking Indian Call Centre.
• An Englishman, Welshman and West Indian are in hospital, waiting for their wives to give birth. There is quite a bit of pacing up and down when the nurse comes out and happily announces that they are all fathers of bouncing baby boys."There"s just one problem," she says. "Because they were all born at the same time, we got the tags mixed up and we don"t know which baby belongs to whom. Would you, as their fathers, mind coming to identify them?" The men agree and walk into the delivery room and look at the babies.Immediately the Englishman stoops down and picks up the black baby. "Yes, this is definitely my baby," he says confidently."Um, excuse me," says the West Indian, "but I think it"s fairly obvious that this is my son."The Englishman pulls him aside and says, "I see where you"re coming from, mate, but one of these babies is Welsh and I"m not prepared to take the risk."
• An American Indian, A Muslim and a cowboy were traveling in the same train car. The American Indian sadly announces, Once we were many, now we are fewThe Muslim arrogantly brags, Once we were few, now we are many.The relaxed cowboy, boots kicked on the table, trying to nap, lifts his hat, spits his tobacco on the floor, looks at the Muslim and says, We haven"t played cowboys and Muslim yet.
• I went for an Indian last night. And if he hadn"t run off so fast I would have beaten the shit out of him.
• What do you call an Indian choreographer? Dan Singh