Immigrant jokes

• If you have sex with a prostitute without her permission, is it rape... or shoplifting?
• How do you get 100 refugees on a pallet?Tell them it floats.
• How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?None, they expect us to do it for them.
• How do you gets 20 immigrants into a shoebox?Tell them it floats
• What does an illegal immigrant have in common with spunk?Millions of the fuckers come flooding in and only one bastard works!
• What do you call an intelligent American?An Emmigrant
• Leeds council have done a survey on what residences think about Polish in their city. 23% said there were too many and 77% said -" Pzwekj Oiv Djkevtski Polski"!!
• A Somali arrives in Swindon as a new immigrant to the UK. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr Englishman for letting me in this country!" But the passer-by says "You are mistaken, I am a Pakistani".The man goes on and encounters another passer-by. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in Britain!". The person says "I no Blitish. I flom Hong Kong".the new arrival walks further, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand and says "Thank you for the wonderful Britain!" That person puts up his hand and says "I am from Iran, I am not British".He finally sees a nice lady and asks suspiciously, "Are you a British citizen?". She says, "No, I am from Romania!"So he is puzzled, and asks her, "Where are all the British?"The Romanian lady looks at her watch, shrugs and says "Probably at work".
• I see it has become a law that to come into this country as a immigrant you have to be educated in English to GCSE standard. This is ridiculous, when I hire a prostitute do you really think I care if she"s read Shakespeare?
• What"s the difference between a picnic table and an immigrant?A picnic table can support itself.
• Good to see the Government hasn"t lost its sense of humour.According to the latest Home office advert, you need a license to employ people from outside the EU or they "won"t get through".Apart from the five million they missed, obviously.
• Today"s Daily Star said "One in four births in Britain is to an immigrant woman". WHO THE HELL IS SHE & ISN"T IT ABOUT TIME SHE WAS STERILIZED!!!!
• I spoke to an immigrant this morning.I said, "what part of this country do you think best represents Great Britain?"He said, "ten Downing Street."I said, "why do you say that?"He said ""cos they"ll let any idiot in."
• Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job."Mujibar said, "I ready"The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, Mister manager, I ready"The manager said, "Go ahead."Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar.""Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him. I have.
• A tree fell down in Bradford killing a pakistani family of ten.Bradford city council claim they didn"t know the bastards were living up there.
• Be proud to be British.We know exactly where every untaxed car is located among the millions of car owners in the UK, but we haven"t got a fucking clue where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located.Maybe Gordon Brown should put the fucking DVLA in charge of immigration.
• Have you noticed that if you re-arrange the letters in the word "immigrants", as well as adding and taking away letters, it actually reads: "Fuck off home you hairy bed sheet and sandal with socks wearing horrible cunts".Coincidence? I don"t think so...
• I can truly relate to the fear felt by Ethnic minorities in modern Britain today...cos I"m British
• Hard Working Fresh smellingAttractiveFunOpen for changeCarlsberg don"t do immigrants....
• News Bulletin: all immigrants living in this country have decided to go back home, taking with them their foreign dress and languages. They are also going to pay back the millions of pounds they have received courtesy of the British tax payerCarlsberg don"t make the news, but if they did, then it"d probably be the best news in the world
• The government are starting to hand out patches to white people that help them to stop hating blacks, pakis and immigrants. They"re called niggarettes.
• The Premier League has officially decided to rename Arsenal"s stadium the Immigrants