Ice cream jokes

• Did you hear about the spastic who won the disco dancing contest?He only walked across the stage to buy an ice cream.
• Women are like ice cream:The tastier they are, the more likely they are to give you a terrible headache.
• How do you make a dead baby float?Two scoops of ice-cream and a scoop of dead baby.
• Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question."Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?""None," replied Johnny, ""Cause the rest would fly away.""Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?""Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?""No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
• Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, "Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play.""But mum" wailed the child, "There"s no one to play with.""OK," said the mother wearily, "I"ll play with you. What do you want to play?""Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed." So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed. The boy put on his father"s fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,"Now what do I do?" The boy answered, "Get your ass out of bed you whore and fix that kid some fucking ice cream!"
• Two spastics go up to an ice-cream van and say, "Can we have a couple of 99"s please?"The ice-cream man says, "Certainly, would you like chocolate or strawberry sauce?"They say, "It doesn"t really matter, mate... we"re gonna drop "em anyway."
• A man is bored of the usual ice cream flavours so he walks into the ice cream bar and demands for an ice cream that tastes like fish and chips, the ice cream man disapears into the back room for ten minutes and returns with an ice cream cone.He gives it to the man who licks it "Wow! that does taste of chips, but what about the fish?"The ice cream man replies, "Turn it around," the man turns it around and licks it."Wow! it does taste of fish!" Now make me one that tastes of faggots and peas!".The ice cream man disapears into the back room for twenty minutes and returns with another ice cream cone.He gives it to the man who licks it. "Amazing! Faggots! But what about the peas?"The ice cream man replies with, "Turn it around." The man turns it around and licks it."Incredible! It does taste of peas! Now make me one that tastes of a hot woman"s pussy!""That"s tricky, give me an hour," the ice cream man replies.The ice cream man disapears into the back room for one hour and returns with another ice cream cone.He gives it to the man who stares at it lustfully before licking it strongly with the full length of his tongue however he recoils in disgust. "Urgh! That tastes like shit!" he complainsThe ice cream man simply winks and says, "Turn it around".
• What"s a chav"s favourite ice cream flavour? Mint.
• What"s better than winning the Paralympics?Ice cream.