Horse jokes

• What has 6 legs and a cunt on the middle of its back?A Police horse.
• My mate put a thousand pounds on a horse.The horse collapsed.
• I saw the Paralympic schedule on the Beijing 2008 website and was surprised to see that the Equestrian was a Paralympic event...How do they get the wheelchair on the horse?
• I bought a race horse and decided to call it "MY FACE".Just imagine it running down the home straight with all the women shouting "COME ON MY FACE"!!
• I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday. He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"I said, "No, but I"ve told a donkey to fuck off."
• An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he"ll have a little fun.Ventriloquist: "G"day bloke! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?"Kiwi: "The dog doesn"t talk, you stupid Aussie."Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how"s it going old mate?"Dog: "Doin" alright."The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on his face.Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at the Kiwi.Dog: "Yep."Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."The Kiwis expression of disbelief doesn"t change.Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn"t talk either...I think."Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how"s it going?"Horse: "Cool."The Kiwi gets even more shocked.Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?"Horse: "Yep."Ventriloquist: "How"s he treat you?"Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."Now the Kiwi has a look of total amazement on his face.Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"To which the Kiwi replied, "The sheep"s a liar."
• A horse walks into a bar,The barman asks, "why the long face?"To which the horse replies, "I"ve got AIDS."
• On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is Little Johnny on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the Little Johnny, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"Little Johnny replies, "Yeah."The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.Little Johnny takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that"s a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"Humoring Little Johnny, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."Little Johnny continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
• What"s Black and White and eats like a horse?A zebra.
• David Beckham, when not playing football that day, decides to go horse riding.Although he has no previous experience, he skillfully mounts the horse and appears in complete control as the horse gallops along at a steady pace.Victoria watches him admiringly.After a while, David becomes a little too casual and begins to lose his grip in the saddle. He panics and grabs the horse round it"s neck and calls for it to stop.Victoria screams and shouts for someone to help.David slips completely out of the saddle and is only saved from hitting the ground because he is still clutching the horse"s neck.David decides his best chance is to leap away, but his foot becomes entangled in the stirrup.David"s head is now banging along the ground and he is slipping into unconsciousness. Victoria is really starting to panic now, and screams at the top of her voice.Hearing her screams, one of the supermarket security guards comes out of the store and unplugs the horse.