Hiv jokes

• People say a positive something is better than a negative nothing.Tell that to a HIV patient
• Doctors have proven that it is possible to catch HIV from a mosquito.So what? Anybody sick enough to shag a mosquito deserves all they get!
• My brother came back from hospital today after a test with nothing but positive results. Me and my family were over the moon and we all got out the champagne to celebrate. But the party soon stopped when he mentioned they were his HIV results.
• Apparently, new drugs can add 13 years to the life expectancy of those with HIV.I think they will find saying no to bum sex adds a little bit more.
• What can turn a fruit into a vegetable?AIDS.
• Sorry darling.When I said I was a positive person, I meant HIV.
• Is it racist that I assumed the word "HIV" was missing when I saw the headline "Gordon Brown Is Positive After Private Meeting With Barack Obama"?
• Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Priest: "What have you done my child?" Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That"s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That"s no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That"s no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That"s no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
• Gay Ray goes into the doctor"s office and has some tests run.The doctor comes back and says, "Ray, I"m not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS."Ray is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?""Eat 1 curry sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 unpeeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts,1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."Ray asks bewildered, "Will that cure me, Doc? "Doc says, "No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your fuckin" arse is for."
• As with thousands of other people getting their results this week, I got mine:Unfortunately, it says I"m HIV+.
• Apparently three in ten South African women carry the HIV virus.This aroused my gambling addiction and I really couldn"t help myself, so I raped seven South African women.Now I sit and wait...
• Jade Goody has said that despite everything she is going to remain positive.I"m hoping that she means HIV Positive.
• What"s the only positive thing about Black people?Their HIV results.