Heather mills jokes

• I can see that American scientists have been able to make a human finger grow.All they need to do now is grow one leg and a complete cunt and they will have a clone of Heather Mills.
• Heather Mills has been spotted combing the beach in Arbroath for a new leg .......
• Abu Hamza, Heather Mills.... no wonder no one trusts amputees any more.....
• Paul stood upon the grassy bank, His heart was all a-quiver,She took off her suspender belt, And her leg fell in the river.
• Eduardo whooaa, Eduardo whooaa,He had such silky skills,Now he walks like Heather Mills.
• Heather Mills has been included in the 2008 edition of the Guinness Book of Records. She was the first person in history to successfully milk a beetle!
• After her recent rant on GMTV, a psychologist said that Heather Mills is clearly unbalanced.Sir Paul phoned in and said that a couple of beermats under her left leg does the trick.
• What do you call a dog with one leg?Heather.
• Paul McCartney should consider himself lucky...In olden times, most people who found themselves being robbed by someone with one leg would have had to walk the plank as well!
• Why did Paul McCartney marry Heather Mills?Because she went down on one knee.
• What"s the difference between Heather Mills and a Venus fly-trap?A Venus fly-trap is a plant. Heather Mills is a cunt.
• The math on the Paul McCartney-Heather Mills divorce is:After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.Assuming he banged her every night during their 5 year relationship (and, being married men, we all know THAT doesn"t happen), it ends up costing him $26,849 per lay, not counting attorney"s fees and court costs.On the other hand, Elliot Spitzer"s call girl Kristen charges $4,000 an hour. Crazy, right?But...Had Paul McCartney employed Kristen for 5 years, he would"ve paid $7.3 million for an hour of sex every night for 5 years (a savings of $41+million).Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, wide open menu, ability to put BOTH legs around you, no bitching and complaining or "to do" lists. Best of all, she leaves when you"re done, and comes back the next day, ready for another round. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.Is it just me, or is it better to rent?
• My gran always gets me socks for my birthday and Christmas.She says, "You can never have too many socks, my love".You can if you"re Heather Mills.
• Paul McCartney bought his wife a new artificial leg for Christmas.It wasn"t her main present, it was just a stocking filler.
• In bingo slang, the number eleven is referred to as "Legs Eleven". Does that mean that the number one is referred to as "Heather Mills"?
• I don"t know why the fuck Heather Mills campaigns against landmines.After all, she"s only half as much at risk from them.