Headache jokes

• How do you make your girlfriend cry during sex?Phone her up
• Gay porn: What a load of bollocks.
• If you have nuts on your wall what do you have? Walnuts.If you have nuts on your chest what do you have? Chestnuts.If you have nuts on your chin what do you have? A fucking big mouthful of cock.
• Women are like ice cream:The tastier they are, the more likely they are to give you a terrible headache.
• Just woke up on the sofa with the mother of all headaches.Must have picked up the wrong fucking glass!
• They reckon that two-thirds of all the women in the world would rather have a meal than have sexThe other third would rather have a headache and make a fucking meal of it!
• Advice for the day:If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."
• The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn"t concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men"s clothing store & thought, "That"s what I need - a new suit."He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I"d like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let"s see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That"s right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let"s see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That"s right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe"s feet and said, "Let"s see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That"s right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe"s waist and said, "Let"s see... size 36."Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I"ve worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can"t wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
• A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water. His wife asks, "What"s that for?""It"s for your headache.""I don"t have a headache!""Fancy a fuck then?"
• A husband walks out of the bathroom naked and starts to climb into bed. His wife gives him a pained look as she says, "I have a headache.""That"s okay," he replies, "I was just in the bathroom powdering my cock with aspirin. Would you like it orally or as a suppository?"
• The boss of a small company has two employees; Jack and Jill. Just recently the company has been doing badly so the boss decides one of them must go. Arriving at his office on Monday, the first person he sees is Jill so he asks her to step into his office and explains his dilemma."Look Jill, I"m afraid I"m going to have to lay you or Jack off."Jill replies, "You"ll have to jack off then, "cause I"ve got a headache."
• Man walks into the doctors complaining of terrible headaches for which he has found no cure. He asks the doctor for help. The Doctor tells him that he too used to suffer from nasty and long term headaches but he had been cured by placing his head between his wife"s thighs twice a week.The man says he would try that and makes an appointment to check progress in a months time.Along comes the second appointment and the man and the Doctor get chatting, "So how are are you headaches" says the Doctor. "Just fine, all gone" says the man. "Oh and by the way, you have lovely house Doctor".
• One Night After Watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire... A man and his wife went to bed and the man was getting very frisky. He asked his wife if she was in the mood. His wife answered, "Not tonight dear, I have a headache." The man replied, "Is that your final answer?" She said "Yes." "OK, then I"d like to phone a friend." he replied.