Head jokes

• My Grandad says his sex life is great. He says, since his girlfriend has been loosing her teeth, the blow-jobs have been fantastic...... May be a different story when her adult teeth start coming through though.
• How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
• If you find you can keep your head whilst others around you are losing theirs, you may want to land your helicopter somewhere else
• Two women, blonde and brunette, are in a lift when a very short man walks in and stands between them both. As both women look down on him, they see his hair is full of dandruff. When he gets out, the brunette turns to the blonde and says, "Oh my God! I would really love to give that guy some Head and Shoulders!"The blonde replies, "How do you give someone shoulders?"
• A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won"t believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had sex over and over again. All the positions; everything!"His friend replies, "That"s great! Did you get a blowjob?""No, I never found the head."
• A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender can"t help but stare at the guy because in contrast to his large muscles, the man has a head that is the size of an orange. The bartender hands the guy his beer and says, ""You know, I"m not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! But I have a question, why is your head so small?""The big guy nods slowly. He"s obviously fielded this question many times. ""One day,"" he begins, ""I was hunting and got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help. I followed the cries and they led me to a frog that was sitting next to a stream.""""No shit?"" says the bartender, thoroughly intrigued.""Yeah, so I picked up the frog and it said, Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you three wishes."""""Keep going!""I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.She said, ""You now have three wishes.""I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, ""I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."" She nodded, snapped her fingers, and POOF there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!She then asked, ""What will be your second wish?""""What next?"" begged the bartender.I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, ""I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream."" She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. We made love right there by that stream for hours!Afterwards, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, ""You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?""I looked at her and replied, ""How "bout a little head?""
• Apparently the head found on the beach in Arbroath had been battered.They"ll fry anything in fucking Scotland.
• "Mummy, Mummy! All my friends are married, Susie has married a rich Barrister, Jenny has bagged a millionaire businessman, Rachel has married a Premiership footballer. I just don"t know what I"m doing wrong, I"m attractive, big breasts, lovely figure. I"m getting desperate.""Calm down dear, just follow the advice on the Heineken advert.""What do you mean?""Get the head right and the rest will follow."
• Two Essex mums were talking. First one says; "Why does your Sharon always come home from school with dirty knees?""Ain"t you heard" replies the other mum, proudly. "She"s the new Head Girl."
• This kid was born as just a head, he had no body. And his parents are at a cocktail party, and they ask this guy what he does, and the guy says, "I"m a research biochemist, we"re working on a method to regenerate missing limbs."Then the dad says, "our son is just a head, will you be able to possibly generate a body for him?"The biochemist says, "if the formulas work out, we"ll be able to generate a whole new body for your son."So the parents run home to tell Junior the hopeful news. They go in the house, go to the little head"s bedroom, turn on the light, walk over and tap him on the head saying, "Son, son, we have a big surprise for you."Then he opens his eyes, looks up at them and says, "let me guess, another hat?"