Happy jokes

• Secrets to a Happy Marriage1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.and MOST important...4. It is important that these three women never meet.
• Apparently masturbation is good for you -- really, it is! Sexual relief releases a chemical which stimulates the brain, and in effect is a natural anti-depressant. Scientific researchers reckon that if a person were to masturbate every two hours, he would never feel depressed.So, that got me thinking... Mormons are always really happy, upbeat, and jolly people. This tends to prove what we have known all along: they are all a bunch of wankers.
• My step-daughter always liked happy endings.So when I came I always made sure I laughed.
• Disney have announced that Heather Mills will be touring in the musical version of their hit filmHappy Foot.
• For eighteen years my husband and I were the happiest people in the world! Then we met.
• I saw an advert the other day for sanitary towels. It said, "Always, have a happy period." So I bought one. It worked, I was happy; I stuck it over her mouth.
• When I was a kid, on Christmas morning my parents used to get the whole family around the piano and my father would stand up with a can of lager and say, "it"s a pity no fucker can play it."
• I don"t really understand World AIDS Day... but fuck it!Happy AIDS Day everyone!!!
• I"ve been happily married for 20 years.My wife wishes she could say the same thing.
• Funny how my dog is as happy to walk in the rain as I am!Oh well, I suppose we"re both after wet pussy!