Hair jokes

• What do you call a ginger goth?Duracell.
• Who is the Hindu Goddess of Hair?Kondishna
• A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately.When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard."Are you the manager?", she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands."Actually, no," the man replies."Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair."I’m afraid I can’t," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message,"she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently."What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say."Tell him," she whispers, "There is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room."
• This 8 year old girl goes into Santa"s grotto, she sits on his lap and father Christmas says, "Hello little girl, what do you want for Christmas my dear?" The little girl says, "Some of my older friends at school have got some hair between their legs, and I would like some there too!" Santa says, "Will a little white beard be ok?"
• A little girl goes to the barbers with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a cake while her dad gets his hair cut.The Barber smiles at her and says "You"re gonna get hair on your muffin." "I know" she says, "I"m gonna get tits too"
• A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor"s office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.The supervisor is puzzled by this and says, "what"s wrong with the co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "he"s a midget."
• Why don"t Muslims get their hair washed?Because they get their brains washed instead
• Scientists in Sweden have announced that they have found the longest hair on the human body, it runs from your arse to your eyelash. Oh come on! It doesn"t take a bloody scientist to figure that out, everyone knows that if you pull a hair out of your arse, it makes your fuckin" eyes water.
• A hotel porter is looking through the keyhole of the honeymoon suite."Look at her, she"s enjoying that," he whispered to a passing maid.She takes a peek."Wow, I wish my boyfriend did that to me more," she whispered back.A waiter hears and comes to join in the fun. He has a quick look."Incredible," he says, "and last night he had the nerve to complain about a hair in his soup..."
• Two old men sitting in a retirement home chatting, "I"m full of aches and pains today Alf." "How do you feel?" Alf replies "Like a new born baby Fred" "Really?" Says Fred, "A newborn baby?" "Yes" says Alf, "No hair, no teeth, and I"ve just shat myself!"
• Two old ladies were chatting one day. They were talking about this and that and the subject finally got around to sex. The first old lady said she enjoyed sex all the time, and just as much as ever. The second old lady was surprised and asked her what her secret was. The first old lady said when she hears her husband pulling the car into the garage she hurries and takes a shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. When her husband comes into the bedroom he gets turned on and has his way with her.The second old lady decides to try this approach so that night when she heard her husband coming home, she takes a quick shower, jumps into bed and throws her feet up over her head. her husband comes into the bedroom takes one look and says, "For God"s sake Maude, comb your hair and put your teeth in."