Guy jokes

• I stopped a black guy from committing suicide in front of a train.I pushed him before he could jump.
• One day as I came home early from work, I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
• A guy returns home from the Doctor. His mate asks, "Why are you looking so miserable?"The guy replies, "The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life."His mate adds, "That"s not too bad."The guy says, "It is - he"s only given me four tablets."
• A guy walks into a pub and says "Give me six double whiskies". The barman lines them up and the guy picks up each one and downs them. Then he says "I really shouldn"t do that with what I"ve got."The barman says "Why, what have you got?"The guy replies "50p".
• Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Tony, and I am a S-N-A-G"Another guy says, "What"s that ?"Tony says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."Another guy says, "My name is Gary, and I am a D-I-N-K."A girl at the bar asks, "What"s that ?"He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."A woman says, "That"s nice. My name is Shirley, and I am a W-I-F-E."Tony says, "A W-I-F-E ? What"s a W-I-F-E ?"She says, "Oh you know, that means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
• A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says, "You want to play "Magic"?"She says, "What"s that?"He says, "We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
• A guy walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a fuckin" checking account"To which the lady replied, "I beg your pardon, what did you say?""Listen up dammit, I said I want to open a fuckin" checking account right now.""Sir, I"m sorry but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank!"The teller left the window and went over to the bank manager and told him about her situation. They both returned and the manager asked, "What seems to be the problem here?""There"s no damn problem," the man said, "I just won 50 million in the lottery and I want to open a fuckin" checking account in this damn bank!""I see sir," the manager said, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"
• Did you hear about the gay guy taking a piss....He looked at the other guy to his right and saw a nicotine patch on his cock.He asked "Does it work"?"Yep," replied the guy, "I"m down to two butts a day."