Government jokes

• In a populist move, the British Government is proposing charging a per-person tariff on firms employing workers from Eastern Europe to encourage them to take on more local employees. It will be called a Pole Tax.
• The Government today announced new measures to keep the numbers of migrant workers down.Every 60 new foreigners now get a free coach trip to Alton Towers.
• Inflation rates are up, banks are bankrupt and holiday firms are going bust. I think this government has seriously misunderstood the promise to Make Poverty History.
• Credit Crunch...Shares Collapsing... Blood Bath in the City....Wall St... Struggling.... Gas & Electric Prices to all New Levels...Increase in Shopping Bills.Banks Folding... Global Warming...But on a more Positive Note.... They might be making Ghost Busters 3.
• NEWSFLASH!The Irish government have announced that, as of next week, all cars in Ireland will now drive on the right hand side of the road.If this is a success, all buses and lorries will follow a week later.
• A new government states that all Muslims will now have to be buried 25 ft underground. Because, deep down, Muslims are nice people.
• In a bid to curb childhood obesity the government are urging paedophiles to offer healthier alternatives to the usual bag of sweets.
• The government have published a guide for parents that will help them spot the tell- tale signs that their son is a gang member,I could save them a lot of money here,by just asking the parents one question."Is your son black?"
• Pythagoras" theorem: 24 words.The Lord"s prayer: 66 words.Archimedes" Principle: 67 words. The 10 Commandments: 179 words. The Gettysburg address: 286 words. The Declaration of Independence: 1,300 words.U.S. Government regulations on cabbage sales: 26,911 words
• Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 600employees and has the following statistics?29 have been accused of spouse abuse7 have been arrested for fraud19 have been accused of writing bad cheques117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses3 have done time for assault71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit4 have been arrested on drug-related charges8 have been arrested for shoplifting21 are currently defendants in lawsuits84 have been arrested for drink driving in the last yearWhich organization is this?It"s the 635 members of the House of Commons, the same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.
• David Cameron"s policy of "Hug a hoodie" is fucking ridiculous.In fact, why stop there? Tickle a rapist.Wank-off a paedophile.
• I see the government has announced they"re gonna put warnings on ciggies and alcohol in picture form...The fags are gonna have pictures of cancerous lungs, and the beer"s gonna have pictures of fat birds.
• The Government today have started printing pictures of dead people and smokers" lungs on packets of cigarettes to deter people.I"m not a smoker, but I think I will start just so I can collect the set.
• The Government has introduced a new "small business" scheme.You take a large business.......