- Why do gorillas always look so unhappy?Because, after two million years of evolution, they still look like niggers.
- The Williams Sisters have yet again reached the final of Wimbledon.Given that the weather forecast for the final on Saturday is to be torrential rain, so as not to disappoint the viewers and provide programme continuity, the BBC will be showing the film Gorillas in the mist during any rain delays.
- What do you get when you cross a nigger and a gorilla?A really stupid gorilla.
- Zookeeper says to Paddy, "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for 500 pounds?". Paddy replies, "I will on 3 conditions:1st I"m not going to kiss it.2nd my family must never know.3rd I"ll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"
- It"s a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo. She"s wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down."Now try lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut."Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"
- A man who is friends with the manager at the local zoo is called into the managers office."I need to ask you a favour" he says. "There"s a school group coming tomorrow especially to see the silverback gorilla but he died earlier today. What I want you to do is dress up in a gorilla suit and pose as the gorilla to avoid disappointment.""No problem" says the man. "This should be fun."The next day he is in the enclosure nice and early in his gorilla suit clowning around and trying to act like any real gorilla would. The children arrive and he starts to act up for them and they all start to laugh at him. He starts to swing on the rope swing and gets quite a good reception. This encourages him a bit too much and he gets over confident and goes too high. He falls off in mid air and lands straight in the lion cage. Surrounded by lions and scared he takes the head of his suit off and screams "Help, help, I"m not really a gorilla." One lion moves closer to him and whispers. "shut the hell up or you"ll get us all sacked."
- A lady is eating breakfast out on her patio one morning, when she notices a massive gorilla climbing up her palm tree. This sight scares her so she runs inside her house.Trying to figure out what to do she grabs the yellow pages and looks it up. Sure enough right in the yellow pages is a big ad for gorilla extractors. She calls the number and the man on the other end of the line says he"ll be right over.When he shows up he explains to the lady that it is a pretty common problem and it should only take a few minutes. First he must get his equipment. So from his truck he grabs a stepladder, a shotgun, an eight foot pole, handcuffs and a dog.The lady exclaims, "What the hell is all that stuff for?"The gorilla extractor explains, "First I climb up on the stepladder and ram this here pole up the gorilla ass. This will cause the gorilla to fall from the tree at which point that mean ass dog will bite the gorilla in the balls. This temporarily paralyzes the gorilla. At which point I put the handcuffs on the gorilla and take him away."The lady asks, "What"s the shotgun for?"The man answers, "If I fall off the ladder, you shoot the dog!"
- Earlier today I got talking to the zoo keeper who looks after the gorillas at the local zoo.I said to him, "do you ever look at the animals fucking?"He said, "no, but I"ve looked at them while I"m having a wank."
- This guy owns a bar. Every Saturday night, these punks who drink there always end up damaging the place or causing the other customers grief which, in turn, is effecting business.One day, the owner is looking through the local paper and sees an advert for a Gorilla which is for sale, so he buys him and trains him so that, when the owner clicks his fingers, the gorilla takes any troublemakers outside and beats them up a bit.For six months there were no major incidents, because as soon as their was any sign of trouble, the gorilla dealt with it.Then, one day, this big Irish boxer enters the bar. It"s obvious he has just lost a fight and he ain"t in a good mood. After a few pints of beer and a few shots of whisky he starts to become very aggresive towards the barman so the owner clicks his fingers and the gorilla takes the boxer outside.There is this huge fight outside which lasts for about fifteen minutes, when suddenly the boxer stumbles in and slumps at the bar. His ear is hanging off, his nose is pissing blood and his eye is closed.The owner asks, "are you okay, mate?""Aye," replies the boxer, "give a black man a fur coat and he thinks he fucking owns the place."
- Two queers having a day at the zoo.As they pass the gorilla"s cage, one of them notices that the silverback has a huge erection."Do you think he would mind if I touched it?" says one."Try it," says his mate.He puts his hand through the bars and is promptly grabbed by the gorilla, who pulls him into the cage, throws him to the ground and shags the living daylights out of him.A week later he gets a hospital visit from his fellow uphill gardener."Does it hurt?" asks his mate."Of course it fucking hurts, he hasn"t called me once, he hasn"t fucking written............"
- What is worse than finding a worm in your sandwich?
Getting raped by a giant gorilla.