Garden jokes

• Ive just been down my garden and was shocked to see my dog fucking a cabbage...silly little bastard must of thought it was a collie!!
• My girlfriend gets really emotional after sex, always crying... Soon sorted with a quick game of peep-po, or round and round the garden.
• My gran asked me to go round there earlier and help her in the garden.So I went round there and pushed her out the back door.
• A mad dog ran into my garden this morning growling and foaming at the mouth! So I sprang into action straight away...I pulled up a chair, put the cat out and watched the show.
• My wife"s spent hours in the back garden today.Suppose I"d better go unlock the back door.
• A couple was going out for the evening. They"d gotten ready, all dolled-up , dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives and as they start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don"t want the dog shut in, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He"s just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her arse downstairs and tossed her out in the back yard! She better not shit in the vegetable garden again!"
• My wife wanted to try a new sex position last night, which she called "The Wheelbarrow". "Basically I place my hands on the floor while you grab my legs from behind and stick it in. You get the idea don"t you?" she asked.I sure did. I carried the bitch to the garden and told her to pull out some weeds.
• How do you know when a Frenchman has been in your garden?All your bins are empty and your cat"s pregnant.
• Our local water authority"s said that there could be a hosepipe ban if we have a warm summer.I"m not worried... I"ve had a 24 foot long tap installed!
• What"s got two heads, four arms, and four legs?Peter Tobin"s garden