Funeral jokes

• Necrophilia, it puts the FUN into Funeral!
• It was the happiest day of my life. Wife waiting at the altar, flowers blooming everywhere and a great turn out. I swept a tear away from my eye, kissed my wife on the cheek and closed the lid.
• Top Tip:Mourners: Read the dress-code of funeral invitations very carefully. Sombre, while being only two letters away from Sombrero, is a world apart in tone.
• I like to tell dirty jokes at work to help make the time go by.One time we laughed so much we nearly dropped the coffin!
• Frank lampard has asked Didier Drogba not to attend his mums funeral.In case he dives in the box.
• My gran died last week. The funeral director said, "bury her with something she liked."As the coffin lowered into the ground, all we could hear was grandad shouting for help.
• I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you"re next."They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals.
• How come "I"m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing, except if you say them at a funeral?-Demetri Martin
• My boss asked me, "do you believe in life after death and the supernatural?""Yes, I think so," I replied."I thought you would," he said. "Yesterday after you left to go to your grandmother"s funeral, she phoned up to talk to you..."
• My mate said to me today, "What would you like people to say at your funeral?"I said, "Preferably: "Look at that! He"s fucking coming back to life!""
• I went to a funeral last week, but I"m never going there again. The music started playing, and me and my mate were the only ones dancing.