Fucked jokes

• My sexual dream came true last night when I fucked a mother and daughter in my bed. It was incredible but, on the downside, my wife and daughter are not speaking to me now.
• What have the England Football team and Maddie McCann got in common?They both get fucked over by Europeans on a regular basis
• I hired a escort last week, and unsurprisingly I ended up getting fucked.A wheel came off going down the M4.
• My wife recently complained about my lack of interest in her family.So I fucked her mother.
• Ann Summers have just announced a new range of Mohammed shaped vibrators.A spokesperson for the company said "Now every woman can be fucked by Islam!"
• What"s the closest thing to a woman"s period?Your Salary - It comes once a month, lasts between 5 and 7 days and if it doesn"t come you"re fucked!
• A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you"ve got a lot to live for. I"m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I"ll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I"ll keep you happy, and you"ll keep me happy."The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He"s taking me to Europe, and he"s screwing me."The captain looked at her, "He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry."
• Condoms aren"t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.
• Kate Moss and Jeremy Clarkson are at a celebrity do. She says "I"m a model, what do you do?" He replies "I do Top Gear."She said "Wicked! I"ll have an eighth."
• Can everyone please stop joking about Newcastle and get off King Kev"s back. Give him a couple of years and he will definitely bring silverware back to St.James"s......it"s called the Johnstone Paint Trophy.
• A meteor struck Earth and the sole surviving man wakes up to see himself surrounded by hundreds mutated cannibals ready to eat him alive at any second.The man was in shock, and whispered to himself, "Oh my God... I"m fucked."The clouds parted and a ray of light made its way down to where the man was. Gods voice spoke to him saying "No.. you are not fucked, don"t worry. Throw that piece of rock in front of you as hard as you can to the cannibal with the biggest head mask."The man hits the Chief of the tribe right on the forehead with the rock. And with that, he collapsed to the floor.God: "Now you"re fucked."
• What"s the difference between Gordon Brown and a Strap-on?.You might actually have a smile on your face whilst being fucked by the Strap-on