Fuck off jokes

• Things have not being going too well at home recently.I arrived home today to see my wife had left me a suicide note. The bitch left a space for me to fill my name in.
• I used to work for the Samaritans - not a great success - five people rang up, and they all ended up committing suicide. It gets worse - two of them were wrong numbers.
• A friend of mine was very depressed, he owed 500 pounds to a shark and his family were going to be kicked out on the street the following day. He drove to the edge of a cliff and parked there, his head resting on the steering wheel. All the nice people there had a whip-round and they got him his 500 pound!!.....Good thing his bus was full that day!!!
• What do you call a Pakistani and a Japanese man, covered in bubble wrap?Paki-Jin
• A guy walks home after buying a cock-sucking frog. He walks into the kitchen, where his wife is doing the dishes, and plonks it on the table."What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?" she screams."Teach it to cook and fuck off," he replies.
• I think my wife is suffering from irritable bowel syndrome.Whenever I want anal sex she says."fuck off and leave me alone."
• A man went into a library and asked for a book on suicide.The librarian said "Fuck off, you won"t bring it back."
• I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted, "Oi, what"s your disability?"I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"
• Joke Creation Device - NO imagination or creativity needed.Step one - "Detail senario that involves you telling us you a. have a girlfriend and b. something that has happened in her life.Step two - "Hillariously" (and here is the really clever part) then take the reader by suprise and insert a line that implies she is very young.THERE ARE ABOUT 500 OF THESE SHIT REPETITIVE JOKES ON HERE. DON"T POST ANYMORE(for variation, occasionally change step 2 to "very old")