France jokes

• What do you call a beautiful girl in France?A tourist.
• France officially commended Zinedine Zidane for his head-butting antics during the previous World Cup.Apparently, he was the first man in the last 100 years to fight in French uniform and win.
• Belgium : A country invented by the British to annoy the French.- Charles de Gaulle
• Going into war without France is like........Well, going hunting without your accordion
• What did France used to be called ?Germany, until the Brits saved them.
• America the home of the brave?!That must be compared to France.
• Where can you find 64,000,000 French jokes?France
• Britain and America have always had this special relationship.The special relationship being that neither of us could be arsed to learn French.
• If war was to break out in Europe, this time I think the loser should be made to keep France.
• An elderly English gentleman of 83 arrived in Paris by plane.At the French immigration desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the Immigration officer asked, sarcastically.The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously."Then you should know well enough to have your passport ready."The English gentleman says, "The last time I was here, I didn"t have to show it.""Impossible. All Englishmen have to show their passports on arrival in France !"The elderly gentleman gave the French Immigration Officer a long hard look.Then he quietly explained."Well, the last time I was here, I came ashore on Sword Beach on D- Day in June 1944, and I couldn"t find any fucking Frenchmen to show it to"
• A man asks his friend, "what"s the most common French expression?"His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
• Ireland Declares War on FranceJacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment"s calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I"ll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy"s farm tractor." Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I"ll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin"s ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o" the mornin", Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that Paddy," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no freakin" way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
• I saw a load of Polish people the other day.I said to one of them, "why the fuck don"t you lot go to France instead?"He said, ""cos, every time the French see a pole they stick a white flag on it!"